Browsing all posts in Children.
The Mother’s (2nd Annual) 12 Step, Back to School Program
Last year I gave all the back-to-school advice I know. Since this is absolutely the definitive guide, I’m posting it again, just in case any of you forgot any of these important steps as your kids head back to school. Step #1: Refill the kid’s lunch money account online at least a week ahead. That [...]
Johnny and the Little Green Men
Meet Johnny. Johnny is a normal boy being raised by well-intentioned, loving parents. Who, though, might be a bit odd. Johnny’s parents have taught him that, once a year on the summer solstice, a few little green men from a galaxy far, far away pop into his backyard for a few supplies. If he just [...]
I Want…
This, courtesy of Improbable Research. The good folks doing medical research have invented this lovely headset for delivery of nitrous oxide to pediatric patients. How much could a frantic mom do with a Nintendo-style, kid-friendly unit that “provides a calming influence over the children, monitors the child continuously, allows the procedure to be performed by [...]
I’ll Be Home for Christmas (When I Wander In…)
My eldest drives home from college for the winter (Christmas? Hanukkah? Solstice? Mithra’s Birthday?) break. It’s a fifteen hour drive, as long as he avoids rush hours in any of the big cities he must drive through, and as long as they haven’t prepared in advance for all that holiday traffic by taking the ship [...]
Kids and Phone Etiquette
If you ever want to find out the age of a child in a household, make a phone call. You can peg a child’s age by how he deals with a phone. Really. Here is my guide: Newborn to fifteen months: Every time the phone rings, the child wakes up. Mother dashes to phone, answers [...]
The Mother’s Guide to Men’s Restroom Etiquette
Dear Abby, Thursday August 13. Moms write in worried about sending their 7 year old sons into men’s bathrooms alone. Tone of each letter talks about how anything can and does happen to these poor children. Suggestions range from two way radios, to going into said bathroom to make sure it’s empty, to standing outside [...]
The Mother’s 12 Step, Back to School Program
The summer took a lot out of us moms. The kids are about to go back to school. That’s good, right? Wrong. Back to school can be equally stressful. But if you follow The Mother’s 12 step, back to school program, you will at least not cave under the pressure. Step #1: Refill the kid’s [...]
The Noisy Toy Wars
Anyone ever play this game with a relative? It’s such a hoot. As the first family in our generation to produce progeny, we were the recipients of the first salvo. And the next forty. It’s hard to launch a counterattack when you can’t locate a target. When the Engineer was about four, and the Grouch [...]
How Not to Send Your Kids to Camp
Since it’s summer camp season, and I have done a whole lot of those, I have a few suggestions. But as usual, mine might not be the same as most of the other ones out there. How NOT to send your kids to camp: 1) Don’t pack for them. What do they learn if you [...]
Here’s $200. Lose my Kid.
Anyone else following the Continental airlines snafu? In one week, Continental managed to lose TWO, count ‘em, TWO unaccompanied minors. They were both placed on the wrong planes. Their luggage got there, but not the children. I’m having a blast. (Continental is having a bad week. They also lost a pilot, mid-flight, over the Atlantic. [...]
