The Mother—FAQ

Okay, I admit, they’re answers, not questions (I’ll take “Who is this nut?” for 200, Alex).

1. I have been a mother for over 20 years. I know I’m old, but most days I can still sit up by myself without a posy vest. I still maintain that kids are responsible for all maternal aging. I never had any gray hair before my first pregnancy.I still don’t. Colorists are wonderful.

2. I have four kids. They are all male. I swear it was a virus.

3. I am a physician (Please don’t tell my mother-in-law. After 25 years, she still gives me medical advice. It’s just easier that way).

4. I have been both a working and a stay-at-home mom. I won’t take sides. Promise.

5. I have home schooled (for at least some time) three of my four boys. If you take one at random, the probability that he was home schooled is three-fourths. If you count dinner table lectures, the probability goes up to 1. The probability that they will remember what they’ve been taught drops logarithmically as a function of the time that has passed since they closed their books.

6. I am not a religious nut who home schooled because the science teachers might mention something of which I don’t approve. I’m a science nut who home schooled because the science teachers weren’t mentioning enough of the stuff I approve of.

7. My kids, as you can figure out from #1, are old enough to use a computer and be embarrassed/pissed off by my posts. So there won’t be any mushy stuff. Boys, remember.

8. This website does NOT conform to NIH standards for human research (and probably not Geneva Convention, either). The labrats–I mean, children–are:

• The Engineer: 21, going on 45. I lost 50 IQ points when he went to college. Anyone who has known/loved an engineer knows exactly what I’m talking about.
• The Grouch: 18, starting college this year. He has lots of friends, they just live in the computer.
• The Goth: 15, learning how to drive. Be afraid (and stay off the roads in Houston). He has lots of friends—they are very nice; they just dress funny.
• Stretch (aka: the baby): Okay, he’s 13 and taller than I am (I swear, he grew a foot in a month). But he’ll always be my baby (see what I mean about being embarrassed?)

9. My husband of 25 years is the only extrovert in the family. He shakes his head a lot.

10. I speak English and medical. I can usually figure out crossword clues in Spanish, French and German. I do not speak HTML. The Grouch does, and he’s trying to help, but I ask you to bear with me while we try to figure out the little things (like how to get a *&%^ HOME page button in the sidebar—just hit “back,” okay?)

Send this to the person bothering you today!

Close Bookmark and Share This Page

Save to Browser Favorites / Bookmarks

Ask backflip blinklist BlogBookmark Bloglines BlogMarks Blogsvine BuddyMarks BUMPzee! CiteULike co.mments Connotea del.icio.us

Digg diigo DotNetKicks DropJack dzone Facebook Fark Faves Feed Me Links Friendsite folkd.com Furl Google

Hugg Jamespot Jeqq Kaboodle kirtsy linkaGoGo LinkedIn LinksMarker Ma.gnolia Mister Wong Mixx MySpace MyWeb

Netvouz Newsvine oneview OnlyWire PlugIM Propeller Reddit Rojo Segnalo Shoutwire Simpy Slashdot Sphere

Sphinn Spurl Squidoo StumbleUpon Technorati ThisNext Twitter Webride Windows Live Worlds Movies Yahoo!

Email This to a Friend

Copy HTML: 

 If you like this then please subscribe to the RSS Feed or Email Feed.

Powered by Bookmarkify™

More »