Johnny and the Little Green Men

Wow.

When my second child was four years old, she came to me and asked me, “If God created the world and Jesus is the son of God and he’s going to make it so we can live in heaven…where’s your proof?” I was so proud. (She’s always been that observant–always eerily insightful from a very young age.) I told her she’s supposed to believe it on faith. She answered, “I want proof.” I told her okay and never expected her to believe any of it.

That said, I’ve lied to my kids. Santa, the Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, the whole enchilada. And I wondered if it was a smart thing. So far my wise-arse kids don’t seem to be suffering…maybe because I’ve also raised them to challenge everything, to question what people tell them, to think rationally, and base their opinions on evidence…that is, once they were old enough to have an objective, rational thought.

(And it sure was fun last year turning loose my home-educated, questioning kids on the public school system.)

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I agree with you. Only, you’ve said it much more eloquently than I ever could. (I read Bad Mommy Moments too, and left a comment.) This is exactly it: teaching the little ones to believe what anyone tells them: Santa is real, politicians are good, that man really does have good candy if some little kid would just help him find his lost puppy…. See where this leads? Cultural myths are fine, as long as they’re understood to be myths — stories that tell us something about ourselves. That’s the key, not to believe the details of the story, but the message behind it.

The little green men on summer solstice might be a good tool to teach a child to question things. But if it’s true, I’ll be pretty happy. Sure makes more sense than a rabbit laying eggs.

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I’ve done some myths, and I’m not ashamed. Know why? Because no one, not me, not a priest, not a teacher (as they’ve found out the hard way) is above questioning.

During my divorce, my daughter was told a number of horror stories about the danger she was in at her mother’s apartment, so my daughter started having nightmares. I crocheted her an afghan, her “nightmare blanket” that would keep them away. Placebo effect or not, it worked.

It wouldn’t work today – she doesn’t assume I’m always right – but she’s also learned that if she spouts off something she heard from friends etc., I’ll expect her to back it up with facts.

Ah, but then, we don’t always see eye to eye on the value of magic and fantasy.

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My daughter is 8 and very challenging in this area. She wants to believe. She’s not only into Santa and the Tooth Fairy, but is determined to catch a fairy of her own. Getting her to admit that she knows she’s just playing is tough. The stories she can make up, though! I’m trying to teach her to write them down.

I’ll be happy when she finally learns a good bit more skepticism. We’re working on it. One of her grandfathers is very loud about his political beliefs, and explaining to her why people can believe different things works pretty well there and teaches her that she can disagree with a grownup.

She also loves mythology in general and was just ecstatic when she realized that her little sister was named for a moon goddess. She tells that one to just about everyone we meet.

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Okay, I get the point. It’s one thing to live a life believing the red sea was actually parted by the hand of Moses. Or that a spaceship is coming for those with purple tracksuits and a wad of nickels in their Nikes. But Santa? Come on, Mother. Don’t be sore because Hanukkah is lame in comparison. (ha ha)

Santa is FUN! It’s exciting for the kids. It uses their imagination and sense of wonder. And it really tests your creative limits.

HOWEVER – you need to know when to let it go. A perfect example would be when a kid asks you flat-out. Then you tell the truth. You shouldn’t be perpetuating the myth until your kid is well into grade school and apt to be the laughing stock of the class when (s)he asks the other kids, “What did Santa bring you?”

Really, in the end, I think Santa does teach critical thinking. I remember when I found out,(at 6), I marveled and laughed at the lengths my folks went to and the secrets to how they pulled off the illusion. It’s like learning about the man behind the curtain. Then you don’t fall for it the next time.

If anyone was messed up by believing in Santa as a kid, they have way more issues than “being lied to.”

PS – LOVE Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather! It’s my fave Christmas special too!

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Okay, I’ll be the first to point out the elephant in the room. Religion. Not Santa, not Easter bunny. The bible, the Torah, etc.

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I, too, like most Moms “lied” to my kids and indulged in societal myths. In our family Santa always brought that one present, big or small, that you really, really wanted but didn’t think you were going to get. As the kids have become older everyone plays Santa for someone else in the family and is responsible for getting that one special gift.

These childhood societal myths are great tools for teaching kids to be skeptical; exploring beliefs and questioning any story they may hear, regardless of the source.

Personally, I find that many parents are simply too busy or distracted to take the time to sit down and have these conversations. Our society is paying the price and future generations will suffer as more people believe what they are told without questioning the source, asking for the evidence, and believing that simply by wishing for something to be true it will happen.

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

Terry Pratchett

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You have some valid points about teaching kids to think critically.

I am religious, but I think it’s good to question everything, including the Bible. I encourage my kids to do so, also.

I read Bad Mommy Moments and I did comment on her post (mine was one of the scary comments).

I will dare to say that I think Santa is harmless. As a child, I knew that he didn’t exist, but I still played along because it was fun.

Santa becomes harmful and not fun when parents take advantage of that belief to threaten their kids with no presents if they don’t behave.

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My kids are both atheists and skeptics of the highest order. And yet we all suspend disbelief at Christmas while I fill the stockings.

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Sorry, “Mother,” but I couldn’t disagree with you more. I’m with Liz and Kathleen, two of your commenters, on this one.

Mr. M has learned and conducted some of his best critical thinking analyzing the logistics of a globe-trotting Santa and an omniscient, omnipotent, and inequitable tooth-fairy.

He knows they’re not real, but not because I told him so. He knows it because he independently deduced it, much to his pride.

And in that small window of time when he did believe in them? Rest easy. He’s no worse for the wear. No one made fun of him on the playground. We’re not in psychotherapy. He doesn’t have my-momma-betrayed-me syndrome, and frankly, all the while, he had a little fun imagining.

Have you ever wondered what you’d do if you won the lottery, despite the overwhelming odds against your winning? Try it. It’s fun.

You and I see things through different prisms. Want to borrow my magical (no, not religious — MAGICAL) kaleidoscope for a day?

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Interesting analogy. I was just talking about this with some online friends last night. There have been disagreements in our house in the past with me coming out on the side of the little green men, but the man always comes out on the side of the playboy bunny. We may both need to reevaluate our positions.

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I haven’t really had to face this yet. My youngest is three. I am atheist and my husband is an eclectic spiritualist – all of which horrifies my parents to no end.

They were also very upset that I wouldn’t let them put “From Santa” on his x-mas gifts.

I remember feeling betrayed when I learned all these things weren’t true (and even more portrayed about the jesus thing). It has me wondering, though, am I doing more harm than good? Will he be left out in school? One little part of me wonders… should I let my kids have Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny?

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Be it Santa or visiting aliens, I am noticing in my 7 y/o granddaughter the same processes which happened to me as a child. The logistics of the myths became questionable to me.

My parents used to leave a sandwich and cocoa for Santa as a snack for when he came down the chimney and left presents. In the morning the sandwich had a bite out of it and the cocoa was half-consumed.

But I had questions: how could Santa visit every house in the world on one single night? How did he get down the chimney? And the flying sleigh was not believable at all as a flying machine.

Yet I never considered that my parents “lied” to me, they helped me figure it out and encouraged me to question… with the exception of religion – that they wanted me to believe! But too late, the box of doubt was released in me and it all came under question.

Many skeptics are big fans of sci-fi, X-Files, Star Trek, but I think we mostly consider them literature, exercises in creativity… in essence; Fun. They fire the imagination and imagination leads to investigation, exploration and experimentation. Myths as literature are fine; as belief systems, they are very dangerous.

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I totally encouraged Santa and the Tooth Fairy, but when my kids questioned I told them the truth… and they joined me in keeping the magic alive for their younger brothers! They loved believing, and when they stopped believing, they loved making magic happen.

I’ll miss Santa. I don’t think he’s going to happen any more here.

In ‘Religious Education’ at Chas’ previous school, the teacher said that the Christians NEVER did any terrorist acts. Chas said ‘EXCUUUUSE ME?? What were the Crusades then?’ and she told him to stop interrupting her class. You should have heard him on that one!

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i do believe i have done more reading of comments tonight on one subject than i have possibly ever have. and i had to think long and hard about how to chime in. mainly for two reasons. 1) to not make an ass of myself and 2) i am not really sure where i weigh in at.

my children are 12 and 5. the have been told the story of the ‘real’ santa that the stories are based off of. yet we still go outside and look for the reindeer on xmas eve. i do not tell them if they are not good they will not get anything. but i do say that santa watches them all year and knows if they are being good or bad. because, really, i am always watching. does their behavior affect the amount of presents? no. money does. but parents do have to do what we have to do. and by the heavens if i can get a good day out of my 5 yr old terror then i am gonna do it. wrong? maybe. but you deal with one of her meltdowns and get back with me on what worked for you. they have been told forever that the amount of presents do not represent the good or bad behavior. i have put my own twist on it to the spin of…santa brings presents based on how much money mom gives him to shop type scenario. i do (once the believing has stopped) ask them not to ruin it for anyone else. i am a sucker. i love the magic and the anticipation and the happiness that seeing those presents under that tree gives to the kids. i will say that my tooth fairy tends to forget. many times. well ok. almost every time. hey, the tooth fairy is a very tired woman over here. and usually broke too. haha.

i grew up to a lot of ‘because i said so’ and ‘thats the way it is’. do i begrudge my parents for it? no. i asked a lot of freaking questions. i grew up, became educated and made my own decisions. do i tell my kids ‘i had to do it and you will do it to’? yes. right? wrong? who cares. in my mind as long as my children grow up to be contributing members of society who are morally conscious and kind in general i really do not care. it is not going to be the myths or stories or fairy tales i told them (not religious i will hit that in a minute) that lead them into a psychiatrist office. it will be getting our lights cut off every other month when they were younger, my screamy-ness, a parents death, or any numerous bumps and bruises i help them acquire along the way that will lead them there. i inform my children of facts. but sometimes i just think they have so much to deal with (my family specific) that they might as well enjoy growing up. even if there is some magic and fantasy in it that really does not exist.

and on the religious front, they know different people believe or do not believe different things. i do not want them to make someone else think what they believe is wrong, as i do not want someone else to make my children think what we believe is wrong. i invite them to explore anything they have questions about and to face it with objectivity.

i do believe after re-reading all of this…i am most definitely raising unproductive, psychotic, myth believing children that will wear white long sleeved jackets with buckles for a majority of their lives. aww hell who cares!!! (joking. mostly)

sum it up: who cares. just do not ruin for someone else what they believe. do not beat into me what i should believe.

and by Big G if i wanna sit in my yard and look for little green men, just bring me a beer.

(i now hit publish with a nervous stomach)

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My daughter has just turned three and is so smart and clever that I’ve already begun to worry about this very subject. My husband and I have gotten into heated debates because I just don’t like telling my daughter there is an Easter bunny or toothfairy or Santa Claus. The first two I absolutely hate telling her because I always wondered about them; they just always sounded like crap to me. I did love the theory of Santa as a child but always hated finding out the man in the suit was some fake. I wish my parents would’ve just told me about the man the tale is based on and I would’ve felt much better. My child is much like me and while we love silly stories and fairytales, well, we also know when to cry BS! and I don’t think I can do it. I’d rather put our holiday energies elsewhere by playing Santa for less fortunate children or something. It’s nice to hear your side of the argument though!

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