Kid for Hire!
Having put one in his own real apartment, one in a college apartment, and one on a plane to summer camp, I now have a household made up of ONE kid.
It’s very quiet around here.
It will be even more quiet if the Goth finds the job he is desperately seeking. Unfortunately, that’s not as easy as it sounds. The economy, of course, but also the fact that very few people hire under 18 these days.
So, in a wholly unselfish, maternally-mediated attempt to help him, I offer his resume. Someone on the world-wide-web undoubtedly needs a sarcastic teenager to do something.
Name: The Goth
Age: 16
Location: Houston, Texas
Employment History: Worked for Dad one summer and often after school.
Special Talents:
Filing
Sorting
Typing
Flirting
Lawn Mowing
Sarcasm (with a dose of pun)
Light-speed Texting
Google Searching
Quoting Monty Python
Driving while Teenaged
Especially good at doing exactly what he is asked to do while also whining, complaining, and carrying on. Exceptionally skilled at multitasking while texting, watching anime, drinking diet coke, and daydreaming.
The Goth is available for any and all sundry work experiences, including, but not limited to, manual labor. Just as long as it does not involve sunlight.
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23 Comments
Lawyer Mom
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 8:12 am
He can quote from Monty Python? I’d absolutely hire him!
[Reply]
Stephanie Barr
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 9:10 am
I do need someone to file since I will clearly never do it, but not a summer’s worth of work. However, we’re not short on sarcasm in our household and I have a teenage daughter already (gainfully employed this summer as a lifeguard).
On the other hand, our house is dark since my husband has a similar antipathy to light but the down side is the floors are sticky since my daughter (the two year old, not the teenager) likes to upend her cups of juice whenever she can. And there will likely be the whole kilt envy.
I’d offer the job, but it’s probably not worth the gas to drive down here for him.
[Reply]
Nan
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 9:22 am
Drat, until the sunlight aversion I totally had him down as babysitter! I’d pay bonus for filing, even!
If he can tolerate the gentle English sunlight, I have three boys and an ex-foster son who’ll need entertaining for 28 days while my husband and I have some romantic time! Full Monty Python Box Set and meals included!
Pay: Zero!
[Reply]
Dr. Grumpy
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 10:23 am
I did drywall and painting when I was 18, and ran the copy machine at my Dad’s office when I was 16.
[Reply]
Michele - The Professional Family Manager
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 11:14 am
Sorry–I’ve got two teenage daughters I’m trying to pawn off this summer myself.
[Reply]
Stephanie Barr
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 11:50 am
Your post reminded me I DID have filing in desperate need of being done and a teenager always looking for dough. Husband nixed the idea, though, and offered to redo my whole screw system so HE could get the boon.
Sorry for the Goth.
[Reply]
themother Replies:
June 14th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Oh, that was sweet. Thanks for the thought!
[Reply]
The Dental Maven
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 12:17 pm
If Houston was commuting distance we could’ve used him around here!
[Reply]
Mrs.Mayhem
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 3:02 pm
Flirting is an excellent life skill. I’m sure he’ll be gainfully employed in no time.
Seriously, I remember the challenge of finding a job that didn’t require experience. Good luck to him.
[Reply]
mira
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 3:32 pm
I could use a babysitter but I’m not sure who could out-whine, whom between your kid and mine. Carrying on is quite the talent for 2 year olds. What do you think?
[Reply]
themother Replies:
June 14th, 2010 at 4:02 pm
There is no 2 year old who can out-whine a teenager. 2 yos at least eventually get tired and go to bed.
[Reply]
sara @ domestically challenged
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 5:03 pm
I am in need of some painting done, but he might get his phone messy!
[Reply]
Mrsbear
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 9:17 pm
He and my 15 year old share quite a bit in terms of their skill set, exchange lawn maintenance for dish washing and they could be the same kid…except yours is probably much better at math and the thought of mine driving while teenaged makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
[Reply]
Robert the Skeptic
Monday, 14th June 2010 at 10:30 pm
Pizza Delivery! – It combines all their under-developed skills: driving, pizza, driving, poor customer service, driving, staying up late, sleeping in late… Did I mention driving?
[Reply]
themother Replies:
June 15th, 2010 at 7:04 am
Alas, due to liability concerns, pizza places, like so many folks, won’t hire until 18.
[Reply]
Domestically Challenged
Tuesday, 15th June 2010 at 1:57 am
Can he build a halfpipe?
[Reply]
themother Replies:
June 15th, 2010 at 7:04 am
You got plans? And shade?
[Reply]
Wendy
Tuesday, 15th June 2010 at 10:36 am
Can he come help me move furniture around to stage my house for sale? I pay well. Might involve walking the idiot dog, while he’s here. I live north of you a bit.
[Reply]
themother Replies:
June 15th, 2010 at 10:46 am
No prob. He’s pretty good at the whole cleaning up thing. He does his room every time he wants to impress a girl.
[Reply]
Alex@LateEnough
Tuesday, 15th June 2010 at 7:22 pm
I do need some more sarcasm and google searching in my home. But I pay with wit and blogging so he may not be interested.
[Reply]
The Mayor
Tuesday, 15th June 2010 at 10:49 pm
Well I happen to know this poor family trying to get moved into their new digs in Austin in July.
Can he come be my moving and unpacking bitch?
[Reply]
Gibby
Wednesday, 16th June 2010 at 1:59 pm
I’ve got filing for him! Oh, and two kids who would LOVE to keep him company while he does it. Pay is low, if any at all.
Yeah, I wouldn’t take it either, if I were him.
[Reply]
Loco YaYa
Saturday, 19th June 2010 at 9:27 am
best resume i have seen hands down in quite a while. the no sun in houston might be a hard demand to meet though.
maybe a library or bowling alley.
i believe at that age i worked at the mall, taco bell, and rode a garbage truck. i know. times are different.
[Reply]
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