I Want a Wife

Monday, January 18, 2010

Not in the changing-my-sexual orientation kind of way. I’m actually fairly happy with my current spouse. But I’m thinking I could use another one.

Think about it for a minute. The husband goes to work, comes home, and gets fed dinner. Housework and laundry and errands get miraculously done while he toils away at the office.

And he still expects sex. Gheezsh.

Even women who hold down full time jobs outside the home tend to find themselves doing most, if not all, of the traditional female household chores. In the nineties, I recall, some brilliant (obviously female) entrepreneur set up an executive wife service, providing traditional errand running and grocery shopping services for female execs too busy to handle their expected gender roles.

Men, apparently, haven’t gotten the memo that spouses who share housework have more active sex lives. I can explain those results. I bet all of you can, too.

This is how I spend my typical day: I get up, do an hour of exercise, sit down with Stretch for four hours of homeschooling, then run out and do two to three hours of errands. After that, it’s time to make dinner. Somewhere in there, laundry and housework have to get done. In the evenings, hubby expects me to keep him company while he lounges.

Four boys, no real help. Apparently, their Y chromosomes make them genetically unable to load a dishwasher. They can all cook, but not one can wash a pot.

And somehow, I’m supposed to be writing. I’m sure I can squeeze it in there, somewhere.

Add in keeping up with the medical/scientific literature, and it’s no wonder I’m exhausted.

I need a wife. But I want one who won’t complain if I forget her birthday or feel slighted if she thinks I’m ignoring her. Who needs any more of that in a day?

I know, I know. They call those “maids.” Or “housekeepers.” But you have to pay them. Wives work simply for the gratefulness of their families. They subsist on caring glances and the occasional, “Thanks, Mom” that becomes so much less common as the kids grow into a sense of entitlement.

Maybe I should just go on strike. Let’s see them survive without me for a day.

In the meantime, if any of you know where I can find one of those selfless types, that I obviously am not, let me know.

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Tags: chore, gender, humor, husband, Parenting, role, wife

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186516 CommentsI+Want+a+Wife2010-01-18+18%3A15%3A12themother

Dr. Dad

Monday, 18th January 2010 at 10:37 pm

Is the other woman your husband's wife also? Unfortunately, I think they made that illegal in most States.
According to that study, women reported having their husband take out the trash was more of a turn-on than sharing a Cabernet. Really? I'll have to try that.

frogmama

Tuesday, 19th January 2010 at 1:36 am

Good luck with finding yourself a wife. I hope you'll let me know where you found one. I work outside the home and my husband is home full time and I still do the majority of the housework. My husband helps, but it's sporadic and slow. My two least favorite words. I ask him for more help all the time. I tell him it's not fair. He hears me, but then forgets. Or falls asleep.

Your day sounds full with a capital F.

Stephanie B

Tuesday, 19th January 2010 at 3:15 am

My husband is a stay-at-home Dad. I'm not in a position to complain.

Mira

Tuesday, 19th January 2010 at 4:14 am

I have said this myself. A wife would be soooo nice. My husband is useless. He helps once when I ask, then never thinks I might need the same help the next time. I'm 8 months pregnant dude, when you see me crawling around on the floor cleaning up after triplet breakfast do you think a light would go off? Sigh. Thank god his mom is kinda like a wife. I just need her to move in

mrsbear

Tuesday, 19th January 2010 at 5:42 am

A wife would be heavenly. I get no help with the housework, my two oldest are girls and they have to be threatened with bodily harm (or removal of their communication devices) before they'll even budge from their respective nooks. The husband claims he can't read minds, if I need help I should ask, but ignorance is a cop out. If you hear me mediating an argument, helping two children with two separate homework assignments and trying to make dinner and finish the laundry, then you can assume a little intervention would be welcome. That's what a wife would bring to the equation, some intuition and some common sense…and we could totally share clothes.

MichelePFM

Tuesday, 19th January 2010 at 12:24 pm

When I was working full-time as a professor (AND homeschooling three kids at the same time), I got a maid to come in every week and take care of every room in the house except the bedrooms. I did not feel like I was falling down on my motherly duties; the choice was income or stay home and clean. Family got income from me, hence I did not clean.

My husband has always worked 60+ hours a week, but he'll still cook an occasional meal (and sometimes clean up afterwards) and run errands. So now that I'm working part-time from home I don't feel like I can insist he do fifty percent of the housework. His role is earning money for the family; mine is using money for the family (buying the food, scheduling, etc.). I'm actually okay with that.

But it does turn me on when he helps me with dinner and cleaning up afterwards.

(Oh, and I have three girls. Considering the state of their bedrooms and how infrequently the clean up after themselves, I don't think lack of help has anything to do with male or female at this age, but everything to do with being a teenager.)

Stepiphany

Tuesday, 19th January 2010 at 12:38 pm

I had this same thought a few weeks ago. And then I threw a big hissy fit. I'm still doing most of it, but dinner often gets miraculously prepared before I get home from work these days.

Wendy

Tuesday, 19th January 2010 at 9:00 pm

If I got one, hubby would probably just decide he liked her better and what was the point in me anyway, right?

I feel very grateful to not have to do anything outside the home I don't want to do, because hubby isn't going to do it. If I worked we would fight a lot, I think.

As it is, running the household IS my main job. He drags his rear out of bed every morning at 4:45 a.m. and commutes two hours a day so that I can pretend to write books. How can I complain about dishes and laundry?

But … I'm not a maid. I'm not here for anyone to walk on. If you want it washed, you'd better put it in the basket (kids have to sort their own & help fold & put away). Don't leave your crap laying around or I might put it away & forget where. Don't destroy the kitchen while you're cooking or you can clean it yourself.

I still think I have the better end of the deal! He has to sit in a chair all day and work for someone else. Blech!

Becca

Wednesday, 20th January 2010 at 12:04 am

Ok, I have a wife and let me tell you it still doesn't help! For the most part I believe the most domesticated one will deal with all the domestic type b.s. However, there are shining moments when I come home and the entire basement is clean!! I could live on that for weeks. Also, I have three girls who know how to do dishes and are expected to on a routine basis. I rarely do the dishes at all anymore, and I don't clean the bathroom unless I absolutely have to!! But, I also work 50 to 60 hours a week, and I am still the damn taxi for everyone!!

Melancholy Mommy

Wednesday, 20th January 2010 at 2:20 am

Great post, Mother. A wife would be nice. Though, most days I would just settle for a troll that lives in my basement and does the laundry and ironing. That's not asking too much, is it?