The Ten Commandments of Sending a Kid to College

I'm still cracking up at #10.

I had no idea there was dorm insurance. Things have changed so much since I was in college. But those care packages? Those rocked even back then

As a professor at a private college in my past life, I say AMEN!!! I can't tell you how many parents I had call me or show up at my office to inform me that I personally had it in for their kid and I failed said kid because *I* am an idiot, not because the kid didn't come to class or turn in papers or flunk tests. After all, the parent$ PAID for them to be "educated" (i.e. the parent$ "bought" a degree) and their child was a perfect angel and all their high school teachers would vouch for them and the parents were going to complain to my boss the dean and….

The helicopter parents are the worst, as are their children. Won't let the kids get hurt, suffer the consequences of their actions, etc…and these poor kids can't even think for themselves.

I had one student who **could not read or write** (seriously–he couldn't even write a sentence and his mother read to him)but had a 3.0 GPA from high school. Found out that he was a special ed student the high school "passed through" and the student was admitted without SAT scores to be on the hockey team. My class had a requirement of a twenty-page paper due at the end of the term; the parents came to me and said that "Bobby" (yes, that's what they called this twenty-year-old student) should only be required to write a five-page paper because, for him, it would be the same as a twenty-page paper for someone else…and parents would hire a tutor to "help" him "write" it. Fortunately he was cut from the hockey team and he left the school so the parents dropped the fight. (I, of course, said I expected him to do the same work as everyone else and, if he couldn't do it, he needed a school that could address his disability.)

I have already informed my kids that nothing is a free ride, including college, and if they fail, they fail. I've taught them right from wrong and the basics for survival (how to cook, do laundry, make a budget and balance a checkbook, etc.); at eighteen, if they choose to screw up, then they can live with the consequences. I love them, but I'm not living their lives for them. I'm here for them for love, encouragement, and support, but not to do the hard stuff for them.

I lost more IQ points than that with each pregnancy. I'm not sure I can lose 50 more points each as well.

Fortunately, I'm years from this. My daughter, at soon to be 15, already deals with teachers herself. I'm not too worried.

The dorm insurance was a good bit of advice, though.

#11: Decide how many years (if any) you are going to pay for (and stick to it). For those of you unaware, the "average" time to gain a "4-year" degree in some respected colleges turns out being SIX YEARS!! Unless you are independently wealthy, have a child who is a sports star on full scholarship, or just want to burn up your savings fast, make sure your kiddo knows (acknowledged in writing) that any "additional time" is on his/her dime. That way, they might just stay focused enough to stick to one major or work extra hard if they start hopping around.

My crazy evil aunt called my cousin about 15 times a day. NOT exaggerating.

He flunked out.

WHAT A FRAPPING SURPRISE. WAIT HERE WHILE I DIE OF SURPRISE.

Brother.

I have to say, I am shocked that some parents actually treat their children like this!

I have come to expect it in 5th and 6th grade, but I thought it would die out around high school. My mother would've died rather than call a teacher for me.

We always tell ours (the teachers) not to believe everything they here, and we won't either.
I am soooo glad we still have 4 years to college.

Thank you for this post, I needed this. I'm getting ready to move my oldest daughter Saturday,and it's nice to see what I have ahead of me!

By #9 alone, you're a good mother.

Yep. I will need to save this post for the FAR OFF future! I may/may not be the type to linger!!!

Hear! Hear! Especially #7-DO NOT EVER call a professor! (I taught college comp for years. More parents called the last 2 years than the previous years. They need to realize that no matter what Johnney says about their grades (It's always parents of sons), if they didn't pass, it's because they didn't do the work, didn't revise, take advantage of the extra credit to bring up a grade, or just didn't follow directions.

One rule we had for our son, who went to our local university, is that he had to have a years rent saved up before he could move into an apartment. He did a great job managing his money. He thanked us later for "Independence with training wheels."

What an excellent post!

Always the boys' parents? Really?

I don't have any girls, and my kids' friends are mostly male (and there are a few helicopter parents in the bunch).

I guess I just assumed girls' parents were more protective? They are in high school.

I'm printing this one and sticking it to the fridge. My oldest should be off in the next four years, it's best to start internalizing those now. Although, really I'm amazed that parents need to be told a week later to JUST LEAVE. It's not kindergarten for Pete's sake.

I feel the same way about kindergarten. I'm a terrible mother.

Beautiful! One of the best gifts you can give your kids is independence.

Ah, Mother….timeless wisdom. I can agree on all of your points having done this 3 times already and have 3 more to go. I was a bit more involved with my firstborn's transition to college life, but a few years later when it was my son's turn I helped him pack his car and he drove himself there.
He still brings that up when he's trying to guilt trip me.

One word of caution I wish I had known with my first child's experience. At many colleges the push to make the following years living arrangements starts by November of your first semester.
My ambitious girl always like to be ahead of the curve, made arrangements with 3 other friends and signed a lease (because they are 18 they can be held to it) for the next year.
The lease was on an apartment in an older house with a great location but can you say fire trap? When I saw the place there was standing water in the basement, rats and it was just nasty. Talk about drama! They did not end up living there, but we had to reach a settlement with the slumlord to avoid a lawsuit.
Practices and standards that would never be acceptable in the normal world run rampant in college towns and that's why so much of the housing around campuses are sub par. They have a captive market.

I haven't run into that one yet, since my oldest still lives on campus and my next one is required to for his freshman year. Good advice.

How about if she is a new know it all and only in the 11th grade? Actually, I would guess I've already lost around 100 IQ points. Truly, the next two years concern me.

Dormitory insurance. Wow. That's a novel idea that never would have occurred to me.

This post brought back memories of my shipping off to school. For my parents, it was a total drop and run. I met them later in the day for dinner. And hugged them goodbye in the parking lot of the hotel. That was it. Boy have times changed!

That's pretty much how we did it. Love the "deer in the headlights" look I get.

[...] 10. Thou shalt have patience with your new Know-it-All. They can’t help it. Parents lose fifty IQ points when their kids go to college. Smile, and be happy that they’re safe. Send this to the person bothering you today! More » [...]

Wait, there are parents who call their kids' PROFESSORS???

This reminds me of when my parents dropped me off at college. We had unpacked the van, most parents were starting to leave, but there stood my mom, lining my underwear drawer with shelf paper, crying. Ah, poor lady. My dad dragged her out of there. Thank God she adjusted pretty quickly. She never called any of my professors (although I could have used help in that organic chem lab…KIDDING!).

I don't know anyone who went through Organic Chem who didn't cry for their mommies. But, still, we sucked it up.

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Oh yeah they should be. Even I feel more terrible with those sending to college.

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