How Not to Send Your Kids to Camp
Since it’s summer camp season, and I have done a whole lot of those, I have a few suggestions. But as usual, mine might not be the same as most of the other ones out there.
How NOT to send your kids to camp:
1) Don’t pack for them. What do they learn if you pack for them?
I hand my list to the kids a few days ahead of time. It’s their responsibility to make sure they have everything on the list. On packing day, I sit with the list and check off as things go into the bag. Voila, packed.
This may, however, backfire. One year, I sent Stretch to camp with his packed bags. The camp counselor called me and chewed me out for sending him with dirty clothes.
They weren’t dirty, of course. They were just self-laundered and self-packed. But the camp washed them all and refolded them for my poor, neglected Stretch. Aren’t they sweet?
2) Don’t send your kid to a camp where there’s going to be a storm.
I know, you don’t have a meteorological crystal ball. Neither do I, but I can tell you from experience that camps do not handle storms well.
The Goth was almost electrocuted when they were hiking DURING a storm, and lightning hit a gate not ten feet from where he was standing. FUN, huh?
The Grouch was at tennis camp one year during a hurricane (hey, it happens). His cabin sprung a leak, and soaked EVERYTHING. The camp responded exactly as one would expect caring, civilized adults to–they let the kids lie in the inch deep water for a week.
NB–if your kid tells you that all his clothes are wet, and the camp isn’t letting him use the dryers? You might consider believing him.
3) Don’t send your kids to camps run by teenagers.
Teenagers tend to think that they are infallible and immortal. It doesn’t occur to them that their little charges might not be.
Which is why they don’t mind taking kids hiking through a bayou with barbed wire all over the place. And why you should never, ever go to the dentist while your kids are at said camp. Because while your cell phone doesn’t work at the dentist’s office? That’s when your kid steps in the barbed wire and gets it wrapped around his leg. And they call the EMTs to cut him out. And father-in-law has to take him to the ER, because your cell isn’t picking up in the medical center.
4) Don’t expect your camp to actually know where your kids are.
Twice. Twice our local camp lost my kids. We found them, safe and sound, both times. Lucky me.
5) Don’t expect your kids to complain about the food.
The food at camp is always better than mom’s. It’s just a fact. Get used to it.
Unless you send your kid to Spain. That was the year that the Engineer suddenly realized how much he loved my cooking.
6) Don’t expect the camp to take care of your child’s medical needs promptly
Or at all.
I have had TWO kids return home with serious cases of bronchitis, requiring antibiotics. Neither had even called home. The last time, the Goth was old enough to KNOW he was sick, and went to the infirmary every day, begging to see a doctor. Lovely.
But they are really, really good at calling when your kid throws up. Like it’s life threatening. THAT I don’t get.
Or maybe it’s just us? One year we got a call that one had taken a nasty bump on the head. We responded in our usual, matter of fact, doc kind of way: Did he lose consciousness? Does he have double vision? Is he nauseous? NOPE? WHY DID YOU CALL ME?
6) DON’T expect everything to be great and fantastic and rosy. It’s just easier to admit that now–it’ll save you grief and aggravation later.
Oh, and:
7) Don’t stick around. Get on a plane. Leave the country. Maybe if you’re lucky the kids won’t find you at the end.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Related posts:
- Two Hours Later–I Get It–So Why Didn’t You?
- There are Some Things Kids Should Just Know
- The Top Ten Ways to Deal with a Kid’s Messy Room
- Kids and Phone Etiquette
- The Mother’s 12 Step, Back to School Program
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This website uses IntenseDebate comments, but they are not currently loaded because either your browser doesn't support JavaScript, or they didn't load fast enough.
192 Comments
Dr. Dad
Wednesday, 15th July 2009 at 3:18 pm
#8) Don't expect your teenager not to complain when he returns home, no matter how much fun he actually had.
stepiphany
Wednesday, 15th July 2009 at 4:31 pm
Or maybe I just won't send them at all. You've scared the guilt (for being unable to afford camp) out of me . The ONE time I sent my son, he came home sicker than he's ever been in his life. 103 temp, n/v, and LETHARGY. That was how I knew he was really sick -he was quiet.
Stephanie Barr
Wednesday, 15th July 2009 at 5:18 pm
I've never even considered camp for a kid. Perhaps because the only one old enough I'd be willing to let go splits her summers with her dad. Still, I can't imagine, in this climate, having them camp with anyone I didn't trust implicitly. So, if they go camping, it will have to be with Dad.
I'm weird.
Helene
Wednesday, 15th July 2009 at 9:43 pm
My parents were so smart…they used to send us to sleep-away camp every summer for 8 whole weeks….in another state! Of course we had a blast but I was always angry at them for shipping us off for that long of a time. Now, as a parent, I get it….I totally get it.
Oh and our camp counselors were practically teenagers too. It's funny though how at the time I thought they were so much older and mature. Looking back, they were really just a bunch of horny, drunk and stoned 17-year olds.
The Dental Maven
Wednesday, 15th July 2009 at 11:04 pm
Because I'm one of "THOSE" mom's, and they've lost my kid at day camp, It's gonna be a while before my kid goes to sleep-away camp.
Wendy
Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 12:22 am
Oh, great. As if I weren't nervous enough about sending my completely immature-for-her-age 8-year-old to sleep-away camp for the first time! Thank goodness it's only 3 days.
Becca
Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 1:22 am
I think I'll rename your post "How not to pack for vacay at Nana's" (my ex's mom). I love her dearly, but one of my favorite things to do is let the children forget (hehe) all their socks.
You can almost hear her head explode all the way from Atlanta to St. Louis! I love this post!!
Momisodes
Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 2:42 am
Wow. They lost your kids? Yikes.
I've heard the camps with teenagers are not recommended from several people, too.
Lawyer Mom
Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 2:48 am
A friend of mine is winging his way to Colorado as we speak, to pick up his kid from camp. Seems there was an outbreak of A1 flu. So Mother, is H1 N1 really a subset of A1? The camp claims it couldn't test for the subset. Sort of off topic, but on my mind.
xoxo
mrsbear
Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 4:33 am
I think I probably watched one too many installments of the Friday the 13th series to want to ship my kids off to a sleep-away camp. Your list doesn't instill the adequate confidence in their abilities to care for my children either. Lightning hikes, bronchitis and barbed wire?! I suppose it is hard to be safety conscious when you have such an intense preoccupation with the state of the camper's laundry.
TheMother
Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 2:44 pm
Yes, the H1N1 flu, as with most of the seasonal and epidemic flu strains, is a strain of Influenza A. I don't understand why the camp can't test–it's readily available, and the local public health system would, one would think, be quite interested in a camp that has flu and is spreading it all around the country.
That said, I sent my 15 yo off to a campus that already warned me had H1N1 cases. If he gets sick? EH, he's young, he can take it.
Michele
Friday, 17th July 2009 at 12:26 am
In the summer I just kick my kids outside and tell them to find something to do. Then I have to go looking for them–not far, they're usually in the barn or in the playhouse or in our field. I haven't seen the need for camp yet, nor do I have the finances for it, but no one has ever asked to go. I think they're just so darn busy during the school year that they're kinda happy to just hang around outside or read books or find some project. They're pretty good that way, probably because I taught them from a young age that I am their mother, not their personal entertainer.
domestically ch.
Friday, 17th July 2009 at 4:29 am
Yep, most of what you posted happened to me at camp. Makes me super excited to send mine. After which, I TOTALLY plan to do #7
Corina
Friday, 17th July 2009 at 5:26 pm
Camp. And all the crazy things that happen there. Oh, how i miss camp, if only for the stories children running through stinging nettle yelling "Bees!!!!!"
Great list.
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