Apples to Eyeballs

chessshtOne word of advice:

DON’T play “Apples to Apples” with my kids. You could lose an eye.

In my early parenting days, I was the product of the psychology classes I took in the early eighties. That was the time period when the whole coddle-your-children thing started. Self esteem was THE most important thing. If your child  wasn’t good at competitions, then the mere act of competing was bad for that all important ego.

Let the non-competitive games begin.

[My husband and I are two of the most competitive people on the planet. Hubby and I race over the crossword puzzle every morning. I always win (fist pump!), but it doesn't stop him from trying. He gets his revenge on the jumbles.

He grew up with a father who was also super-competitive. Whenever hubby got good enough to beat him at one game, his dad simply switched to a new one. And his family isn't alone. Even my husband was shocked when he played cutthroat gin rummy with my mom and me one day.]

So into this mix comes a baby, then two, then two more, all with the pop psychology of the day telling us that competitiveness was a BAD thing.

I did give it a shot. I really did.

But nature (and nurture) will win out.

Take four testosterone laden, genetically doomed children and drop them in the great psychology laboratory they call life, and you will find new uses, rules and corollaries that the game-makers never intended. My boys may be the only children in history who can turn non-competitive gaming into blood sport. And do, routinely.

Luckily, the pendulum of psychology is finally starting to swing, as we watch the shenanigans of this generation of children that were produced by the helicopter parents. We have begun to realize that the phony self-esteem of never having had one’s socks blown off in a game of checkers PALES in comparison to the real self-esteem of knowing that one can handle oneself in the environment of reality.

In the REAL world, competitive behavior and strategic thinking pay off. Sports, SATs, college applications, job interviews. And I have never met a non-competitive game that can teach these concepts as well as the old standards.

And luckily, I wised up early enough (or was wised up by my kids) that I have hyper-competitive children.

Just stand back when they get out the game boards. There will be blood.

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102 Comments

We all love that Apples to apples game because the two of us who are less competitive (me and sparkle) and the two who are, all have a shot at winning…. and the two of us who “arent” have a chance to develop our inner olympic medal/valedictorian/rhodes scholar seeking selves by being totally unpredictable… making the more practiced at competitiveness who can’t stand the ambiguity of the game INSANE.

Margo’s last blog post..Today’s Physics/Driving/Life Lesson: Everybody, Accelerate

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themother Replies:

Ambiguity? NO. Doesn’t exist. Not in my house.

The worst part about this particular game is that dear old mom gets called in to referee! How do you choose between Elvis Presley (from a kid who is WAY to young to know who he is) and Dr. Spock (from a kid who is way to young to know who he is?

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Ok, so we are ALL highly competative, and this a dumb question… what is apples to apples and where can I get it???

Becca’s last blog post..I detest other people’s kids…or why Asthma sucks!

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themother Replies:

“Apples to Apples” is a “non-competitive” game available just about anywhere games are sold. Each child gets a set of cards with either a person, place or thing on it. A central card is turned over and each child sets out one of their cards that either 1) closely resembles the central card, or 2) is so whacky that no one cares if it resembles the index card. Unfortunately, someone has to decide which card is the closest. No one keeps score, but the person who runs out of cards first is sort of the “winner.” At least, that’s the way my kids play it. Feel free to pick up a copy. It is good for a few laughs.

But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Having 4 boys of my own has taught me that EVERYTHING can be made into a competitive sport. Getting in your pajamas, burping, and the more traditional sports, games and my favorite – bean or no bean. (This would be guessing whether your mother has put any beans in that bite of food she just fed you. A good way to get a child who says he hates beans to eat them anyway.)

And btw, we LOVE apples to apples!

heidi’s last blog post..Blogiversary

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themother Replies:

Oh, the burp competitions! SO much fun.

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Awesome post. I am one of the least competitive people in the world, so it’s funny for me to watch the shenanigans of competitive people.

God help you!

Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy’s last blog post..Sex and The Suburbs is Here!

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Golly you are so right about how children can turn anything into a competition. And betting counts, right? Mr. M will make bets on anything, with no prize in sight — only a winner or a loser. “I bet you I can eat this broccoli in seven seconds!” And of course, I say, “Betcha’ you can’t!” I love losing.

The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..Summertime, and My Living is Queasy

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Husband and eldest are super competitive. I’m self-competitive.

My son, however, is the ultimate mr. laid back .

The jury’s still out on the on the fifteen month old, but, given the way she bosses my son, I don’t need to worry about her being competitive.

Stephanie’s last blog post..For Lola: Keeping Teens Occupied for the Summer

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My kids love to compete against each other , they just all hate losing. Losing a game to me, hurts that much more. It’s a lesson I don’t mind teaching them, or rubbing in…theatrically…with a victory lap around the living room.

mrsbear’s last blog post..Sisterly Love in Flashback Form

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themother Replies:

You (and I) are probably the kind of mommies that non-competitive games were invented for.

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I always loose at games with my kids….and not even on purpose.. :)

dani’s last blog post..I just don’t care..

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Hey! Thanks for stopping by my blog! I’m so glad you did! I LOVE your writing. That paragraph that starts with “Luckily, the pendulum…” so awesome!

I’m so over the “it doesn’t matter if you win or lose” bull crap we feed our kids these days. I try to teach my kids to ALWAYS play to win but it’s ok if you don’t.

I’ll def be back!

Amber’s last blog post..This Is Where I Live

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My husband and I are super-competitive – trivia, board games, table tennis… you name it! Already our 3yo has a competitive streak and my favourite at the moment is his desire to beat his brother at finishing dinner first! BTW his brother is 16mnths and completely oblivious that there is any kind of competition going on… still usually beats him though. :-)

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I’m typically not very competitive as I’d rather just let people do their own thing and I do my own thing and everyone just stay out of everyone’s business, thank you very much…. That is, of course, until someone irritates me. Then the gloves are off, and watch out!

Same thing with games…I like to win, I work to win, I encourage my kids to work to win…but it’s got to be something that really matters to me before I care to knock someone out of the game (be it a board game or the game of life).

When I was dating my husband, he thought I was such a sweet, soft-spoken mouse, until one day I had to correct someone on their inability to honor a contract, in which they denied having done anything wrong…I won that argument and changed the way my husband saw me forever.

Maybe it’s not a matter of when or if I’m competitive but just a matter of choosing my battles?

Michele PFM’s last blog post..SPOUSE AND CHILDREN: Basic Pick-Up Training 101

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themother Replies:

THE most important thing a mom must learn. Gets more important in those hellish teenage years.

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My son wants to compete with everything from who goes downstairs faster to who gets dressed faster. I think its important that they learn healthy competition from my husband and I. They can’t escape it in the real world so might as well learn the skills before.

Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..VlogEmotions – Pride and Gratefulness

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Non-competetive is just for contracts, right? I’m with your sons that there isn’t a game made that can’t be turned into a contest…

Drama Queen Jenner’s last blog post..ATM theft update

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I would define myself like the previous poster as “self-competitive”, but I love competitive games. I’ve never heard of Apples to Apples, and I don’t really get the point of a noncompetitive game. To clarify, I understand the motivating factors behind attempting to create a noncomptetive game, but that seems like an oxymoron to me.

Stepiphany’s last blog post..Friday, June 05, 2009

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I’m not a very good loser!!

veronica lee’s last blog post..Kids’ prayers

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My year old is already trying to get me to “let her win” arguing that we need to take turns. I applaud her creativity and reasoning, but PLEASE. I’m teaching her to play. I can’t wait to go head-to-head.

In a healthy way, of course.

ck’s last blog post..wife gone wild

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