You Say Tomato…
Being a biologist has its strong points in the motherhood arena.
For instance, teaching your kids about sex is sort of natural. You start with yeast and work your way up, and the kids never have that slap-themselves-on-the-forehead, we’re-not-in-Kansas anymore moment.
And my kids benefit from the microbiology degree, because I don’t stress about raw cookie dough. Pretty low risk of actually infective doses of Salmonella. Have at it. Here’s a spoon.
There are days, though, when it bites me in the arse.
Having never talked down to my kids (like I know how!–I can’t even carry on cocktail conversations with idiots. Baby talk with my kids was right out), I taught them real info on a regular basis.
Any child stupid enough to ask a question generally received a twenty minute lecture that eventually led to either Newton’s Laws, quantum theory, or biological imperatives.
Ask me how long until we get there, and you WILL be doing the equations–distance divided by miles per hour, with fuel economy thrown in. Ask why dinner isn’t ready yet, and you get to convert boiling points from Fahrenheit to Centigrade (and back). Ask why birds fly and you get a tutorial on the evolution of flight, and probably the four-chambered heart while we’re at it. I’m good like that.
The advantage, here, is that the kid eventually learns that, if he asks a stupid question, he will not be able to go watch his favorite show for at least the first half. Sometimes, that means I can cook dinner in peace.
The disadvantage comes when the kid actually LISTENS, internalizes, and repeats back at an embarrassing time.
For instance, when you are having a completely innocent conversation with an acquaintance, about something fairly adult. You don’t know the person very well, so you might be hedging your reply. That’s when the half-listening child points out that last night you said something COMPLETELY the OPPOSITE.
Nice.
But the most common place it comes back to haunt me is at the dinner table.
“Can I have more bread?”
“When you eat a vegetable.”
“There aren’t any vegetables on the table. It’s all fruit.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Nope. The tomatoes and the squash have internal seeds. They’re FRUIT.”
“So eat your FRUIT.”
“Can I have an orange, instead?”
“Try something green.”
“So anything that’s green is a vegetable? I’ll have mint chocolate chip ice cream.”
I’m thinking of writing a new plant classification system, specifically for mothers. Ronald Reagan has nothing on me.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!Related posts:
- What Not to Say to a Kid About Food
- Someone Get Me a Scorecard!
- Whitepaste Cuisine
- Food Wars, Part 5,349
- Competitive Parenting
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187 Comments
Soonerchick
Wednesday, 13th May 2009 at 8:22 am
My oldest is stellar at this. The kid is going to be smarter than me. I don’t know whether to be proud or afraid.
Soonerchick’s last blog post..Social Networking and Nonprofits Study
[Reply]
Stepiphany
Wednesday, 13th May 2009 at 10:18 am
My oldest is ESPECIALLY good at sharing my TRUE opinion on a controversial subject when he feels I’m being too delicate or tactful.
Stepiphany’s last blog post..confessions of shopaphobic
[Reply]
Maria@Conversations with Moms
Wednesday, 13th May 2009 at 10:33 am
It’s amazing how quickly children picks things up. Smart too. I always refer to tomatoes as a vegetable.
Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Importance of Clarifying Expectations
[Reply]
Quadmama
Wednesday, 13th May 2009 at 11:08 am
Even as toddlers my daughters are quickly catching on. If they finish their lunch I allow them to have a small piece of candy (hey, I’m not above bribery.) Yesterday I ate MOST of my lunch and then grabbed a Hershey’s Kiss. Then I heard this: “Mommy? You didn’t eat all of your lunch. Why do you get candy?” Busted by my own rules.
[Reply]
The Dental Maven
Wednesday, 13th May 2009 at 11:19 am
The problem with exhaustive answers is they can become expected. One time in the car, my then 4 year old asked me why the sky was blue. I told him to wait a moment, then dialed my scientist husband on my cell phone.
The Dental Maven’s last blog post..Remember When Anybody Could Afford To Buy A Toothbrush?
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Drama Queen Jenner
Wednesday, 13th May 2009 at 2:57 pm
I’ve had two vegetable incidents this past week. The first was my mistake for only cooking half a bag of broccoli for my 18-m-o and 3-y-o. They kept fussing for more and I didn’t even get any! (The little one is even learning how to say broccoli.)
Then, another night when I was cutting up celery for the next day’s snack, both of them come at me, hands out, trying to steal my snack. The older one actually was requesting it by name.
I know I’m lucky for now and it won’t always be this way. Though I wish it would…
Drama Queen Jenner’s last blog post..Oh Yeah, I *Do* Have a Blog
[Reply]
AmyAnne
Wednesday, 13th May 2009 at 5:37 pm
I know this is going to sound wrong on a lot of levels but look, I just don’t have time for the whys. Not only that, I HATE it when OPK do the “why, why, why…” thing. It’s so annoying to answer the same question 333 times (ya, ya, I know they are learning each time you answer them). I’m all for nipping the annoying behavior in the bud. However, I am also all for teaching my children their resources. They can consult our collection of dictionaries, the google machine or Daddy, who will answer the same question 334 times without hesitation. Also, I have friends and neighbors who are way more tolerant than I if the kids truly need entertainment
I am aware this tactic may bite me in the ass when they don’t ask me questions later, but they DO talk to me a lot and ask me how to look up things even more. And really, I’d rather stay sane.
And as for the calling me on nuance of language, I can’t stand that either. If I’m fairly certain they know what I’m talking about they will get nailed for trying to back me into a corner over turning ‘eat something green’ into ice cream. Nailed as in, since you don’t understand what I’m saying I’ll be explicit – here, eat this bowl of peas (which are hated in my house).
I’m am a loving mother, really. Not a drill sergeant at all. I’ll go find some signed statements that can back me up…I know they are around here somewhere.
AmyAnne’s last blog post..The Family That Eats Together
[Reply]
Darla
Wednesday, 13th May 2009 at 7:50 pm
These type of conversations make me hold my head at least once a day and wonder why on earth I decided to teach my child “independent thinking” (I didn’t take into account it’d be independent from MY thinking).
Darla’s last blog post..Lands’ End Swimsuit Giveaway!
[Reply]
ck
Thursday, 14th May 2009 at 5:09 am
This is why I’ve stopped speaking for my 4 year-old. I wonder how long I can keep it up…
ck’s last blog post..the unmagical kiss
[Reply]
ck
Thursday, 14th May 2009 at 5:10 am
*That would “to” my 4 year-old, not “for.”
(Like she’d ever let me speak “for” her…)
ck’s last blog post..the unmagical kiss
[Reply]
The Lawyer Mom
Thursday, 14th May 2009 at 5:02 pm
Yep, the semantical hairsplitting — I know just how you feel. But converting fahrenheit to celsius, calculating time and distance? I couldn’t do that in a million years!
The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..The Joy of Boys
[Reply]
Becca
Thursday, 14th May 2009 at 8:39 pm
I am so fascinated by children’s brains… The Princess has been named the all-time champion of manipulation in our household. The Diva also likes to ingest information and then regurgitate unneeded or unwanted bits when we have company and will always be embarassed!
Becca’s last blog post..Does everyone but me wear pantyliners every day?
[Reply]
Helene
Thursday, 14th May 2009 at 10:00 pm
I think my head might have exploded into a million pieces after having a conversation like that. It’s bad enough that my kids ask “why” about every single thing, even after I’ve explained it to them. They still ask “But why?”…ugh!!
Helene’s last blog post..Today’s the LAST day to show us YOUR art!
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mrsbear
Thursday, 14th May 2009 at 10:43 pm
I love it. You teach them to think critically and you not only create smart children, you create wise-asses too.
I’m with him on the green ice-cream debate!
mrsbear’s last blog post..Artistically Inclined
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Margo
Friday, 15th May 2009 at 5:38 pm
at 13 and 16, my open minded, inquisitive daughters are officially smarter than me. Age does have it’s advantages though… I still have a year or two before the 13 yo knows it. thanks for verification on the cookie dough. I’ve always felt a little guilty ignoring that around here
Margo’s last blog post..Sailing and Slapping Halyards/Writer’s Workshop #1
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the Mayor
Friday, 15th May 2009 at 10:23 pm
Six kids and you think I could have gotten one shy one, intimidated about speaking up in public.
No, they have gotten progressively more outgoing and able to bring up our previous conversations (meant to be private) in oh so public forums.
It’s our punishment for speaking directly to our kids about life instead of fairy tales and baby talk.
the Mayor’s last blog post..Lip Smacking Finger Licking Crazy Love
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Sweet Serendipity
Sunday, 17th May 2009 at 8:17 pm
Ah yes, the mouths of babes…they chime in at the most inopportune moments. My oldest wasted no time correcting me in my own contradictions. Sigh. At least it keeps the mommy brain at bay.
Sweet Serendipity’s last blog post..Quotable Sunday
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Gibby
Monday, 18th May 2009 at 10:16 pm
OK, I totally agree with the mint choc chip thing. Is that bad?
My daughter came home one day announcing that tomatoes are a fruit. She was shocked that I actually knew this, but then asked why I always made her eat tomatoes when I KNOW that she is NOT a fruit person??
I, however, am a fruit person. Wine is made from grapes, grapes are a fruit, I am a fruit person.
Gibby’s last blog post..Cut-Offs and Tutus
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Corina
Sunday, 28th June 2009 at 10:08 pm
You and I would get along great. I ALWAYS go into way more depth when a kid asks me a question.
Corina’s last blog post..A Girl on the Rise
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