Top Five Ways to Stop a Tantrum
Kids have tantrums. They aren’t any fun, at least for the mom. They are embarrassing, socially isolating, and they can give you a splitting headache.
A child throwing a tantrum is the star, director and producer of a drama orchestrated for, by, and entirely around, himself.
The only reason they do it, of course, is to get what they want. It’s a lot of work, throwing a tantrum. It’s not worth it if they don’t get anything out of it.
So, the key to stopping tantrums is to make sure they don’t get what they want.
Not that that’s easy. If your child decides to tantrum in a grocery store, while you have a cart full of groceries that you really, really need, it becomes a battle of wills.
To strengthen yours, I offer the following five suggestions:
5) Walk away. Ignore. Stand on the edge of the crowd watching your kid, and complain loudly about that terrible mother who is letting this poor child have a tantrum.
4) Go tell the manager that you lost your kid. Let them page him over the loudspeaker. When your kid hears his name and stops whining, rush up gratefully and give him a big hug.
3) Call your husband and tell him that HIS kid is acting up. Then put the phone down at the kid’s ear and let HIM deal with this one, for a change.
2) Laugh. They hate that.
And the number one way to deal with a kid throwing a tantrum?
1) Pick up the kid and leave. Drag him, if necessary, kicking and screaming, to the car. Strap him in and go. Call hubby and tell him to pick up the groceries on his way home.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!Related posts:
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31 Comments
Carol @SheLives
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 9:12 am
Great ideas!
Fortunately each of my kids’ first tantrums were at home. They were also the last tantrums they had. I just walked into my bedroom and shut the door.
My favorite phrase when they were little was “I can’t hear you when you whine.” No whiners at my house! But they got good at other things that I wasn’t as well prepared to avert.
Carol @SheLives’s last blog post..Perfect Tablespoon Every Time
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Becca
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 9:20 am
I like the walk away and of course the leave the store with the child is always a good thing. What I can’t stand is watching parents who will let their children have the tantrum and then give in. I know they are embarassed, I have been to, but come on…
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Deanna
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 9:37 am
I only had to do the leave the store thing once. I had even made it all the way to the check out lane. I was SO angry, I just walked out and left the cart sitting. Figured it was better than homicide or suicide. And I didn’t beat my kid when I got to the car, either. But…I pretty much quit taking them grocery shopping!
Deanna’s last blog post..It’s Not Quite Official, But…
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Momisodes
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 10:15 am
Oh the tantrums! We know them all too well in our house. And I am CERTAIN I’ve done 1, 2, and 3 just this week
Momisodes’s last blog post..Fruit: The other red meat
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Helene
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 11:37 am
I loved this post and funny thing is that I have tried a few of those. The one that particularly stands out in my mind is the time Cole had a complete meltdown at Target because I wouldn’t buy him a toy so I walked away from him and told him to come join me when he was done freaking out. I was still within visible distance but this lady comes out of nowhere and says, “You shouldn’t leave your child by himself….someone could kidnap him”. I just stared at her and said, “Seriously? You think someone is gonna WANT to kidnap him while he’s screaming and carrying on like that? Give me a freakin break”.
Fortunately, I’ve never had to leave the store before finishing my shopping but I wouldn’t hesitate to do it if the kids couldn’t calm down.
Why are you not writing a parenting handbook yet? Seriously, with all these posts you’ve written, you could be the next Erma Bombeck on parenting!
Helene’s last blog post..The Tower of Terror….or, if you will, the journey of motherhood
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themother Replies:
May 20th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I just DARE anyone to try and kidnap a child throwing a tantrum. Good grief.
Women should mind their own business. But I’ve said that before!
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Amber
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 11:50 am
HA, I end up dragging my kid kicking and screaming out of the grocery store so often that I actually break my grocery list up into prioritized sections so as long as we get 1/4 of the way through I get the most important things before I haul his ass out.
Amber’s last blog post..I need one of those _____s Anonymous groups
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Stephanie - Home with the Kids
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 3:49 pm
I’m lucky enough that I haven’t had to drag my kids out of a store over a tantrum yet. When we’re at home, the policy is that tantrums must be done in bedrooms. It’s amazing how fast my kids get calmed down when they find out they aren’t getting any attention for their tantrum.
Stephanie – Home with the Kids’s last blog post..Free Range Kids Book Review
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The Dental Maven
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 4:36 pm
Thank God my child never did this! One of us might not have survived.
The Dental Maven’s last blog post..Side Effects of Hewnt And Bewnt
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mrsbear
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 5:18 pm
They really do hate it when you laugh in the face of their fury. We’ve had to drag many a screaming child out of a restaurant before, luckily it’s my husband who does the leaving which leaves me at least to eat the meal while it’s still hot and in relative peace. Who knows I may have been orchestrating the whole thing all these years.
mrsbear’s last blog post..On An Ideal Day
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dani
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 8:19 pm
I haven’t been over in a while.. I just wanted to stop by and say hi/..
dani’s last blog post..Sleeping with the ants..
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The Lawyer Mom
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 8:35 pm
Another option, when they are in the throes, is to say, “You know, I tried that as a kid. It just never worked.” If you’re in a grocery store, augment it with The Mother’s walk-away option. We’ve got some issues over here, to be sure, but tantrumming is not one of them. Err, knock on wood.
The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..Monday Funnies
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ck
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 8:59 pm
Such a great post! The worst public one we had was at IKEA. And not because we were taken off guard or swayed into giving in, but because it happened in the middle of the store and took us at least 10 minutes to make it to the exit. I can’t wait until tantrums are a distant memory.
ck’s last blog post..the robot
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Wendy
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 10:44 pm
BIG.
WOODEN.
PADDLE.
I tried everything until one afternoon where Dolly screamed herself hoarse over the course of three hours. She was barely two. I finally pulled that little diaper down & smacked her butt. That. Was the End. Of That.
Luckily for me Cowboy is pretty observant. He watched sister and said, “you know, I just don’t think this whole tantrum thing is the way to go.”
Wendy’s last blog post..Down with Bugs
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themother Replies:
May 21st, 2009 at 9:48 am
I don’t recommend the paddling method–not because it doesn’t get their attention–it does. And that’s the point, so it works.
The reason I don’t recommend it is because of all the meddlesome folks who will be watching and condemning you for it, as Becca points out. When your kid is tantruming in public, you have an audience. It is unfortunate, but we have to be aware of it.
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Wendy
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 10:46 pm
Carol reminded me! My favorite trick to pull on whining kids (not my own, since mine know this trick already):
“Oh, I’m SORRY! I don’t understand this language. Can you use nice words?”
Kids are always SO SURPRISED.
Wendy’s last blog post..Down with Bugs
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MommaBird
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 10:48 pm
I once had to drag my son from the park. It wasn’t pretty. I was begging him to let go of the railing up the sidewalk, and I told him that people were going to think I was kidnapping him. After what seemed like eternity I finally got him the car, closed him and slumped to the ground.. and cried. A kind lady brought me his soccer ball from the playground… she smiled and said, “You’re lucky you only have one, I’m sure to get mine later,” pointing to her 3 kids.
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Drama Queen Jenner
Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 11:03 pm
We’ve been lucky, there have never been any total meltdowns in my house. (Or out.) Yet. I’ve been trying lately to talk quietly so she can’t hear me over her screaming and has to stop to hear me. It works sometimes. The threat of a spanking works sometimes, too. Never giving in, perfect record so far.
Drama Queen Jenner’s last blog post..Wendsday, Wonderful Wednesday
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Becca
Thursday, 21st May 2009 at 7:13 am
I just wanted to piggyback off Wendy’s post… when the Princess and the Soldier were younger I carried a wooden spoon in my purse. I lived in the south then and they tend to have a different view on spanking your kid in public. No one seems to mind much.
Now that I live closer to the city I have to be more careful that the meddling mommies don’t find something to complain about.
Becca’s last blog post..Schooool’s out for the summer… oh wait, not yet!
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themother Replies:
May 21st, 2009 at 9:54 am
And those meddlesome mommies will meddle. Very good point.
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Maria@Conversations with Moms
Thursday, 21st May 2009 at 8:40 am
I still remember my first`s son`s tantrum in public (18 months old). It was in a restaurant and he was playing with the creamers and making a mess. I took it away from him and he starting screaming. I picked him up to bring him to the car while my husband paid and he started hitting and pulling my hair..
I think it was the first time that I saw red. It was the first time he ever did anything like that before and he had just started daycare so I think he must have learned it from them.
I did everything I could to keep calm since all eyes on the restaurant where on me.
Luckily, he never did anything like that before but I still remember it with a vivid memory.
Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..VlogEmotions – Siblings
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Quadmama
Thursday, 21st May 2009 at 10:19 am
I’ve called Hubby at work and said “you deal with this.” It’s certainly not the first thing I do, but if I’m at my wit’s end I need a little backup, even if it’s just over the phone.
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Moomettesgram
Thursday, 21st May 2009 at 8:05 pm
I saw the title, and I thought…..my tantrum(s). I have to learn how to stop them!
Anyway, I’ve experienced most (if not all) of the above with DD26, specifically. Only thing is, DH never had to pick up groceries left at the store! Think I owned a book one time by a Dr. Brazleton (?), something about “The Difficult Child”…think my kid was 2 at the time I bought it!
Moomettesgram’s last blog post..Ageless anti age perfume – Review and Giveaway
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zeemaid
Thursday, 21st May 2009 at 9:18 pm
Fortunately my kids have not pulled the public tantrum on me very often. Hmm, could be because we don’t go anywhere. *L*. The one time I was completely embarrassed was at the Superstore. Daddy was getting his hair cut and she was acting up so we left for the car, I’d had enough. Well, turns out Daddy had the car keys and there was no way I was going to carry her BACK into the store when she was now in full on scream mode. I had to stand out there for 15 minutes with her screaming. You’d think people would be sympathetic but they looked at me like they thought I was a kidnapper.
zeemaid’s last blog post..Ready, Set, Wiggle
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themother Replies:
May 21st, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Never expect sympathy from the crowd. You’re much more likely to get the eye roll of disapproval.
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purpledsky
Thursday, 21st May 2009 at 11:50 pm
for whatever reason, my daughter only throws tantrums when I’m around, obviously me being the object of the tantrum. the husband thinks she reserved her best/worst behavior for me. i don’t know if I should be flattered.
but ignoring the tantrum sure worked for me.
purpledsky’s last blog post..Don’t mess with Xofia’s heart, you hear?
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veronica lee
Friday, 22nd May 2009 at 4:14 am
This is such a great post. The last public tantrum we had was at a restaurant and all eyes were rolling as if we were such bad parents!!!
veronica lee’s last blog post..Jason Mecier
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Tapati
Friday, 22nd May 2009 at 9:54 am
My daughter was given to public tantrums for a brief period. She soon learned that while she was dramatically collapsing on the floor, crying for all she was worth, my only response would be, “Bye, I’m leaving,” in a nonchalant tone of voice. Then I would walk right towards and even out the door, not glancing back. She would quickly get up and run after me. (Of course I wouldn’t have truly left–but I had to be convincing.) I’m sure people thought I was the meanest mommie on the planet! But I didn’t have to strain my back carrying her out.
Tapati’s last blog post..Ooh!
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Gibby
Friday, 22nd May 2009 at 9:58 am
I once read that if you haven’t experienced (read: allowed) a tantrum in a public place, then it means you are a pushover mom who will do anything to avoid one, thus letting your child win.
I am happy to say I have witnessed (read: been humiliated) enough times in public to say I am safe.
Gibby’s last blog post..Friday Foto
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MommyJ
Wednesday, 1st July 2009 at 10:40 pm
I am so glad I found this!
I am so tired of the dirty looks I get from people in stores when I do not cave and give my child whatever it is that they want. DS and DD are only a year apart, so as one gets past a tantrum the other begins. We have left stores, restaurants, even birthday parties when tantrums are happening.For some reason they haven't quite figured out that it never gets them what they want.
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VIMS
Saturday, 13th February 2010 at 5:38 am
I lived in the south then and they tend to have a different view on spanking your kid in public. No one seems to mind much.
Now that I live closer to the city I have to be more careful that the meddling mommies don't find something to complain about.
[Reply]
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