Do I LOOK Like a Drug Dealer?

NathanRussell, flickr

NathanRussell, flickr

Don’t answer that.

Most of you have no idea what I look like anyway, so how could you answer that?

But honestly.

I’m nearly fifty. I dye my hair red from its natural state of almost completely grey (a hereditary thing–I got it from my kids). I’m 5″2′, twenty pounds overweight and always dress in black (YES, OKAY, I DO know where the Goth got it–I’m old, not stupid).

But the Republic of Texas has a law that I cannot buy more than 30 tablets of Claritin-D per month. Because obviously I have a meth lab in the basement.

Nevermind that this is Houston, and we don’t HAVE basements, because no one makes sump pumps that big. Portions of the city are actually below sea level, and I’m pretty sure my house is, too.

And nevermind that I have plenty of biochemistry background. I actually COULD distill meth in my basement, if I had one. Which I don’t.

I had to break out my emergency stash of Claritin-D this morning, for Stretch. Which means that now I have to wait another 4 days to buy a new emergency stash of Claritin-D, because I bought the last one on the 26th of April.

(So, if you happen to have access to the Texas Drug Registry, and you find all the folks who bought Claritin-D on April 26th, you will find my real name. I’m kind of betting that it’s fairly unlikely).

I actually keep this info on the calendar in my computer, so I know when I can buy more.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking–Type A personality x hypochondriac = nuts.

But 30 doses of Claritin-D 12 hour last one person 15 days. So that’s not even enough to get ONE sickie through a bad sinusitis.

AND I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN. And a husband who is perfectly capable of having anything that anyone else does.

Disease spreads through my house like wildfires in California. I can scream, “Wash your hands” until my lungs explode, but my kids still leave their glasses on the counter, forget which one is theirs, shrug, and pick up the nearest one.

And Houston is the allergy capital of the world. It is. Look it up. We use more allergy products per capita than any other major city.

So between contagion and allergy, one measly little box of Claritin-D is NOT going to get me through the next month.

I have, in the past, been forced to send both my husband and my over-18 son to the store to buy Claritin-D. And we STILL ran out.

When Stretch woke up with a splitting headache this morning, I actively found myself hoping it was the flu.

That you don’t treat with decongestants.

[Any bets that someone at the DEA found this in their in-box this afternoon? There goes my license...]

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21 Comments

I feel for you. I have horrible allergies, asthma and sinus issues and I’ve always heard Houston is the allergy capital. I think that is so weird what they’ve done with all the “D”/sudafed products. I’d rather it all go back to being a script so people who need it can get what they need.

Margo’s last blog post..Myrtle, Motorcycles, and Memorial Day/Writing Workshop #2

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The state of Misery does the same thing… I have had to send C out after I have bought mine just so they don’t think we are trying to build a meth lab in our basement.

To top it off, if I wanted to I am sure some of the offenders (inmates) in my prison could give me a detailed description as to how to make it.

Every time I have to sign that stupid piece of paper I imagine one of my offenders actually standing in line to legally purchase Claritin-D to make meth. You know they do right? They totally obey that one silly little law, and then go break all the rest. Dumbasses, I swear!

Oh, and the state of Misery was the largest distributor per capita in the U.S. in 2006, and might still be. We just love meth here, ;)

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themother Replies:

You can download the instructions off the internet. No inmates required. It’s fairly simple. Unfortunately for us law abiding types.

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Is this the Claritin you can buy over the counter or a different one? I buy it at Sams where I can get more than a month’s worth. No one’s ever asked me to sign anything. Could you get both Zyrtec and Claritin to add to the joy.

Just trying to help. I still use Chlortrimeton for myself so you can’t go by me.

Stephanie’s last blog post..For Anonymous: Labor Relations

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themother Replies:

It’s not the Claritin part or the Zyrtec part. It’s the D part–pseudoephedrine (sudafed) can be turned into methamphetamine fairly easily. Most states regulate purchases of this fantastic decongestant to prevent people from doing just that.

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I’m having a panic attack just thinking about being limited for my allergy relief. Here in Michigan we’re required to show our drivers license and sign in at the pharmacy to purchase pseudoephedrine but are not limited per month.

I may have to take Texas off the possible relocation list. Give me a holler if you want me to send you an express package of the magic decongestant.

the Mayor’s last blog post..My Tangle With A Margarita

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themother Replies:

I may have to. THANKS!

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Really, they put your name on a list? There should be at least an exception in place for larger families and those poor mouth breathers especially prone to allergies.

My kids are also notorious for cup sharing, they leave them lying around everywhere and never EVER remember which cup is which. It’s why they all fall like dominoes to every viral strain that makes it through the door.

mrsbear’s last blog post..What Were We Thinking? – Spin Cycle

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Ha! I’ve accused you of being a long lost relative and now that you’ve given a physical description
I’m sure we’ve got a Scottish blood tie. Yes, I’m short, would be mostly grey if not for my talented hair colorist and constantly at war with the weight.
The government is tracking our pseudoephedrine use and my insurance company’s limited me to 14 sleeping pills a month. I got a stronger dose and I cut them in half.

the Mayor’s last blog post..My Tangle With A Margarita

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Hmm. THe key here is to stock up all year then, right? Or, If you divulge your real name and address, we can buy some in our states and send it to you. {Ax murderer may/may not be included}
If this ever happens to tylenol, i’m dead.

sara @domestically challenged’s last blog post..Random Ramblings…

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themother Replies:

And another good samaritan willing to help me out. Since we have to show a driver’s license, I have no choice but to use my real name. Only my pharmacist knows for sure…

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I am amazed that there is that kind of law in Texas. There is no law for that here in Canada (So far that I am aware of). I feel for you. You’d think you’d be able to get a doctor’s prescription or something for more.

BTW thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting on my post. I agree, Teletubbies are inane and I refused to even let my kids watch a single episode of them or Barney. (Too many years of babysitting). We picked something we could stand. *L* Have a great day.

zeemaid’s last blog post..Ready, Set, Wiggle

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Yikes. I’m sorry. This sounds awful and unfair to people like you who don’t misuse the drug.

Momisodes’s last blog post..Fly away home

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I had no idea!!! I always have to buy Sudafed at the pharmacy counter now and show ID and I had no idea why. Geez, I’m so outta the loop these days!!

Helene’s last blog post..Free summer movies….yes, I said FREE!

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Totally cracks me up. Did you know some of the stores lock up laxatives too? Seriously.

Howdy from League City!

Lori@Not Always Charming’s last blog post..My One-Day Employment

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I was surprised the first time i got carded when I tried to buy a decongestant, but I had no idea they tracked that kind of information.

How boring the collectors of that information must be…

ck’s last blog post..by way of microphone

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That Claritin-meth rationing law is simply nuts. I can’t believe the ration is per family rather than per person. it’s crazy.

Thinking about the Texas Drug Registry ( and there’s something similar in every state, yes?) and Obama’s push to put each and every medical record belonging to everyone of us onto a federal database makes me . . . . well. Hell’s bells.

I better not go down that path or I won’t be able to sleep tonight.

The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..My TMI Moment with Dr. Phil

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This law ticks me off to no end. I FEEL like a drug dealer sometimes when I have to go around (ahead of time) to various drug stores, over time to collect my stash of Claritin-D or Zyrtec-D so we have some on hand when we need it. With 4 people who have allergies (1 with asthma) it’s kinda important to have some on hand. If you wait until you NEED it, you’re screwed. So, I have my little routine that is totally ridiculous because if I can do it, so can the Meth makers. Maybe they couldn’t manufacture the QUANTITY but they could manufacture enough for their own usage. This is an example of government legislating behavior that does not work. Amen

Myrna’s last blog post..Should You Turn-Off Your Teen’s Texting?

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This law ticks me off to no end. I FEEL like a drug dealer sometimes when I have to go around (ahead of time) to various drug stores, over time to collect my stash of Claritin-D or Zyrtec-D so we have some on hand when we need it. With 4 people who have allergies (1 with asthma) it’s kinda important to have some on hand. If you wait until you NEED it, you’re screwed. So, I have my little routine that is totally ridiculous because if I can do it, so can the Meth makers. Maybe they couldn’t manufacture the QUANTITY but they could manufacture enough for their own usage. This is an example of government legislating behavior that does not work. Amen

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Wow! I had no idea. Here (Canada), they don’t regulate any of that stuff. Can’t you get a doctor’s prescription for more? I would freak if I got allergies and couldn’t take anything to ease the symptoms.

Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..Sunday Comics – It’s Joke Time Once again

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I feel for you! We are in the same boat here in Illinois. I have four kids and so far three of us have bad allergies not to mention asthma. It is all getting a little ridiculous!

Lydia @ On The Verge’s last blog post..Parking Lot Karma

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