On Anonymity

Monday, May 18, 2009

scragz, flickr

I normally don’t read Dear Abby. Not being inclined to accept advice from anyone (see Mothers of Older Chldren), I really don’t care what Abby thinks. My husband does read her, on occasion, just for kicks.

Like this weekend. Two separate columns caught his funny bone. Not for the advice that Abby gives–which is generally not too far off the mark, although it is often a little too indulgent–but for the sheer folly of the folks who feel compelled to seek advice.

The first was a 46 year old man who wrote in, DESPONDENT, when he learned that his mother had faked his birthday by a day. For 46 years, he had been told his birthday was August 31, and then discovered, suddenly, that it was really September 1! THE HORRORS! He was devastated.

(This is a man my age. Gheezsh. Doesn’t he have a life? A job? A family? What difference does it make? Let’s hope nothing REALLY god-awful happens to him. EVER.)

But the truly scary one was published on Sunday. A woman wrote in about a friend in an online mothers’ forum. This friend had announced her pregnancy in the chatroom, and she had inadvertently congratulated the husband. Who didn’t know. Friend was furious, because she thought that all on-line conversations were confidential.

Excuse me?

ANYTHING that goes on-line can be scooped up, rebroadcast, translated, paraphrased, taken out of context, and exposed to anyone who has a computer. There is no such thing as confidentiality when one is blasting one’s personal information into cyberspace.

Over the past few months, I have run into a couple of women who wrote candidly on their sites. They thought that their blogs were safe from the prying eyes of their bosses and husbands, and then they got caught. Jobs were in jeopardy and marriages were strained.

DUH.

I do blog anonymously. Not that the veil couldn’t be pierced. In the absence of serious cybertechnology, phantom IP addresses, re-routed servers, and careful cryptography, there’s no way to ensure that people cannot find out who you are. Since I don’t even speak html (which makes the Grouch deliriously happy, under our “coding for cookies” program), that isn’t going to happen. So I don’t use anonymity as a protection for myself.

Nor do I blog anonymously because I am not willing to own what I write. I stand by every word. I won’t write anything about hubby or kids that I wouldn’t want them to read. They all know exactly where my blog is and are more than welcome to pull it up, whenever they like. They may not always like what I write, but I never write to hurt. In short, I never say anything in my blog that I wouldn’t say to their faces.

The real reason I blog anonymously is to protect my kids. Every one of their friends has a computer and internet accesss. I don’t want what I say to come back to haunt them tomorrow at school. For the same reason, I don’t ever use photos of the kids, or at least not identifiable parts of my kids.

I know there is a lot of controversy about anonymity on the web. Is it dangerous? If used inappropriately, sure, it can be. Studies show that people feel freer to make threats, insults and slurs on the web, because of its anonymous nature. That certainly isn’t appropriate, and I’m not sure what can be done about it.

In addition, fraudulent low-lives have used web based alter egos to attack rivals, destroy reputations, and build up their own careers. But that’s not just the anonymity of the web–that’s outright fraud.

[For a fun read, and perhaps a belly laugh, I refer you to this conversation on one of my favorite science blogs a few months back. Two anonymous science writers and one who uses his real name go after each other for pages and pages of comments. Sad, but true. Enjoy.]

There is no question that the pseudo-anonymity of the web allows us to converse more openly than we might in, say, cocktail conversation. But we all have to remember that nothing is safe from prying eyes.

The take home message?

Don’t announce your pregnancy on Twitter before you tell your husband. Just in case you were wondering if it was a good idea.

Send this to the person bothering you today!