What Not to Say to a Kid About Food

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

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I hope everyone is still not panicking.

And that everyone is still healthy.

So, now for some REAL controversy.

Last week Psychology Today blogs featured a guest post by Dr. Deanna Minich, a nutitionist, entitled Seven Things You Should Never Say to Your Child About Food. It was pretty funny. Go read it.

Back so soon?

Since I know that most of you won’t actually read Dr. Minich’s article, here is a summary:

#1: Don’t play with your food! (This takes the fun out of eating, making it simply mundane.)

#2: No dessert until you finish your meal. (This sets up a reward for accomplishment system, making a meal just one more task a child must get through.)

#3: Finish everything on your plate. (This forces us to overstuff ourselves, removing our natural limits and boundaries.)

#4: No laughing at the dinner table. (Eating is about connection and sharing. Lighten up.)

#5: Feel bad? Let’s go for ice cream. (Encourages use of food as comfort, binge eating for bad moods.)

#6: If you’re good, you get a treat. (Encourages use of food as a harbinger of good emotions, apparently.)

#7: Don’t you realize that kids in Africa are starving? You should be grateful to eat. (Encourages guilty feelings about food.)

So, do you agree with her? Really, I’m asking you.

Because, the thing is, I don’t agree with about half of that.

I honestly don’t know if Dr. Minich has kids, but I’m betting that they don’t get to pig out on dessert without eating dinner in order to AVOID future food phobias.

My kids wouldn’t EAT protein and vegetables if there was a bowl of ice cream or chocolate cake with their names on it. THEY’D SAVE ROOM. So, no. No dessert unless you eat REAL food. Sorry. If that’s an award for accomplishment, well, then, they’ve just earned one more useless award.

Besides, I really don’t think kids see meals as tasks. Mine start asking about dinner five minutes after breakfast, so it’s highly unlikely that they’re feeling put upon by having to actually eat. “NO, mom, please don’t make me eat again! I just did it yesterday! Can I just clean my room instead?”

I’ve never said #1 in my life. I’m far more likely to say something like, “Stop launching peas at your brother!” My kids help make the meal, so they’ve already done their share of playing. Make your own pizza night is a big hit at my house. Innovative chefs they’re not. At least not yet. But playing with their food is encouraged. As long as it doesn’t end up on the walls or in my hair.

#s 3 and 4? Yep, she’s got me there. I never force a kid to eat anything. But not to prevent future eating disorders. Mostly because it usually ends up being regurgitated, looking a bit worse for the wear, and requiring me to clean it up. But since #2 applies, if they don’t eat, they at least don’t get rewarded for said behavior.

And laughing at the dinner table? Who would tell their kids not to laugh? Stalin? Pol Pot? Gheezsh. Does this really need to be a rule? We laugh at THEM at the dinner table all the time. It would seem that turn about is fair play.

#5 and 6 are diametrically opposed. We can’t use food for good feelings, and we shouldn’t use food to treat bad feelings.

Obviously, Dr. Minich doesn’t have a Jewish grandmother in her closet. Or maybe she does, and that’s why these rules are there.

When our kids are really down (or ill), food is one of the few things we can do for them. “Comfort food” is a good thing. Not in excess, of course. I’m not talking about downing a whole gallon of Chunky Monkey, but is it such a bad thing that kids develop comfort FOODS? Isn’t that better than, say, comfort BOOZE? Or comfort DOPE?

And I can’t even count the number of times my tired, bored kids got bribed to get through just 10 more minutes without losing it with a promise to go to Marble Slab for dinner. Sometimes, food is the only hold we have over them (at least until they’re old enough to take away the car keys).

I really don’t think I’ve ruined their little psyches.

In a perfect world, with perfect children, I’d happily concede all seven points. But the world, and the children, aren’t like that.

Tell me if I’m wrong. Go ahead. I can take it (sniff, sniff, stiff upper lip).

I would love to tell you that my kids are all happily calorie adjusted and have no eating disorders whatsoever from my negligent parenting. But that would be a lie. I have two who inherited MY genes, and have to really work at staying not fat. And I have two who inherited their father’s genes, and are beanpoles. I don’t claim responsibility, though, except in a genetic sense.

Which only leaves #7. I’m with Dr. Minich on that one.

Telling your kids that there are starving kids in Africa is a BAD idea. They’re likely to present you with a box and tell you to ship their peas, air mail.

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Tags: Children, dinner, eating, eating disorders, Food, humor, Parenting, rules

12 Comments

the Mayor

Wednesday, 29th April 2009 at 8:54 pm

Because here in our little blog world we know how smart and inventive our little devils can be we would be stupid to suggest the “children starving in Africa” guilt trip.
We’d come home to find our pantries emptied of all their least favorite foods, appropriately boxed and Fed Ex’d to Africa, with recurring charges on our credit card from some internet grocer.

the Mayor’s last blog post..Cards Disrupted

Helene

Wednesday, 29th April 2009 at 11:22 pm

Oh man, I totally used the “there are starving kids in Africa” line tonight with one of my sons who refused to eat anything on his plate!!

I’d hate to be one of her kids if she doesn’t allow laughing at the table. She’s be completely disturbed if she ever ate dinner at our house, where my kids try to out-do one another with loud farts and juicy burps.

Helene’s last blog post..I feel love, love, love, love…..

themother Replies:
April 29th, 2009 at 11:30 pm

In poor Dr. Minich’s defense, I will point out that “No laughing at the dinner table” was one of her things NOT to say. That was one of the ones I agreed with.

Bantering Blonde

Wednesday, 29th April 2009 at 11:31 pm

This is both interesting and funny! I’m all about bribery when it get my kids to try different foods, I know for sure there are things they eat only because they actually tried it when there was a chocolate sugary carrot dangled in front of them! I’ll have to mull the others but food issues are stressful!

Bantering Blonde’s last blog post..Paula Abdul ~ Make it a Virgin?

The Dental Maven

Thursday, 30th April 2009 at 5:58 am

I didn’t see any references in the Psychology Today Blog article, probably because there are none. Despite all the weirdness’s in The Maven household – The Maven’s 8 year old son appears to have a “healthy relationship with food.” This is one I’m not getting worked-up over.

ck

Thursday, 30th April 2009 at 6:40 am

I love that you made it okay not to follow the link. Because sometimes I’d rather ship leftovers to Africa than follow a link to yet another site. (Even though I link in my posts…) And something tells me, as well-written and “argued” as she might have made her points, yours were much funnier. And, you know, REAL.

ck’s last blog post..on-site training

stepiphany

Thursday, 30th April 2009 at 6:51 am

I didn’t follow the link either, but I was arguing with the same points as you while reading your summary. Maybe I’ll read the article later. So far so good with my kids and their relationship to food. I have worried a lot that I would pass on my own issues, but I’ve tried to keep it as much a non-issue as possible. I would think the one thing I would never say is “Please eat!”. They’ll eat when they’re hungry, as long as parents don’t give in and desperately cater to their perverse little kid palates.

stepiphany’s last blog post..Perfecting Public Humiliation

themother Replies:
April 30th, 2009 at 11:05 am

I tend to let my kids eat when they’re hungry, too. The downside is, once they learn to use the kitchen, you don’t have any control over WHAT they eat unless you toddle in after them and play policeman.

I figure, by the teens, they know what their bodies need and can make choices. Same way I feel about homework and driving–teach them, and let them go. Studies actually show that noshing throughout the day is a healthier choice than three big meals, anyway.

Darla

Thursday, 30th April 2009 at 11:40 am

The thing about the Africa deal…most kids (especially little little ones) can barely tell you what’s two states over, let alone comprehend WTH Africa is.

I will say to my so — c’mon let’s eat!! If he’s laughed let’s say…oh 6.35 minutes straight. He gets the giggles and can’t stop.

Darla’s last blog post..Sofa Tables

The Lawyer Mom

Thursday, 30th April 2009 at 1:48 pm

Darn. I was just about to try “there are starving kids in Africa who have to crawl naked, up hill, at night, in the snow, to get their green peas.” Guess I’d better re-think that strategy.

The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..True *&@#!% Crime

melissa

Thursday, 30th April 2009 at 8:21 pm

oh, i’m a bad, bad mommy. someone should have stopped me from having kids. bad. bad. mommy. come to think of it…
my parents sucked too…
the clean plate club. if you don’t eat your meat, how can you have any pudding…
sigh.
i’m a product of my environment.

Lisa C

Friday, 1st May 2009 at 3:45 pm

Toooo funny, and not all in a hahaha kinda way..lol.. Just one more thing we can all do wrong… lol..

BTW swingin’ by to thank you for being a top dropper… :O)

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