Hugs

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I still remember one day. It’s engraved on my cortex. The Grouch was about 2, I’d guess. He toddled up to me and gave me a great big hug. Of his own accord. Without being embarrassed about it or harassed into it.

It’s etched in my memory because it may well have been the last time.

It was shortly after that that the Grouch became, well, grouchy. The birth of his next sib, and the move to a new house shortly before that, was a crushing blow to my little huggy boy. He changed.

And there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I’ve tried everything that I and most of our exceptionally qualified friends and colleagues could come up with. The bottom line is, that’s just who he is.

But I miss the hugs.

Boys give up hugging their moms a little earlier than girls do, I understand. Two more sibs and fifteen years later, I only have one child who will still hug me. Stretch is 13. But, as the baby of the family, he isn’t the most mature 13 year old on the block, which might explain why he hasn’t discovered mommy cooties yet.

I can’t make them stop growing. I’ve tried everything.

I threatened not to feed them.

I threatened to cut off their feet.

I threatened to tie cement blocks to their heads.

Didn’t work. My “little one” is four inches taller than I am and is working on the first patches of stubble.

But he will still hug me.

This morning, I was suddenly very grateful.

I had one of those dreams. Every mother knows them. The horrible “something happened to my child” dreams.

I have no idea what caused it. He’s fine. Maybe there was too much MSG in the teriyaki bowl I had for dinner. Who knows.

But I woke up, sort of, in that half-dream state between consciousness and sleep, and was truly convinced that my son was gone. I had to force myself to think through the day before. When nothing had happened, and my world was perfectly boring. And normal.

As soon as Stretch got up, I asked him for a hug.

And he gave it to me, not even grudgingly.

I know, painfully and desperately, that these days are on borrowed time.

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Tags: affection, boys, child, Children, hugs, motherhood, Parenting, Teenagers

12 Comments

Helene

Wednesday, 15th April 2009 at 8:18 pm

What a sweet post!! I know I need to enjoy the hugs while they last, as well!

Helene’s last blog post..14 signs that motherhood has swallowed you whole…

Momisodes

Wednesday, 15th April 2009 at 9:22 pm

I have puddles in my eyes from reading this. It is so bittersweet seeing them grow and mature. Funny how I’ve made many of those same threats Sometimes I wish I could store up every single one of those hugs in a vault for later use.

Momisodes’s last blog post..Reunited and it feels so good

Jen

Wednesday, 15th April 2009 at 9:42 pm

I hate those dreams. My son has long since given up hugging or kissing his mom, unless he is leaving or arriving on a plane, or I am, but generally hugs went the way of his blankie which he just looked at one day and decided he didn’t need anymore. *sniff*

Daughter hugs me nonstop and kisses me too. They both tell me they love me though with the boy it’s usually when he needs money or wants to use the car. I don’t care I lap it up.

Jen’s last blog post..Matchmaking Update

Posts about Valentine as of April 16, 2009 | Shirasmane

Thursday, 16th April 2009 at 4:04 am

[...] is my provisio schedule for Coachella: (maybe) My Bloody Valentine Public Enemy (maybe) The Cure Hugs – mothershandbook.net 04/15/2009 I still remember one day. It’s engraved on my cortex. The Grouch [...]

stepiphany

Thursday, 16th April 2009 at 6:34 am

Those dreams are the worst. It’s so hard to shake it off. I’m glad you’ve still got one who hugs. I remind myself of how fleeting the time is everytime I am wallered, elbowed, and suffocated by my children. Someday, I’m going to miss it like crazy. My oldest moved out a few months ago and I seriously think he took a chunk of my cardiac tissue with him.

stepiphany’s last blog post..is this middle age?

themother Replies:
April 16th, 2009 at 8:52 am

My oldest moved out three years ago. I really thought I’d miss him. But the other three made sure that I didn’t. They’re really helpful like that.

Ez

Thursday, 16th April 2009 at 1:10 pm

If it’s any consolation The Mother, boys only stop for awhile. They eventually grow up to be real men and just like little innocent boys, they start wanting constant Motherly Hugs all over again. There’s just this adjustment phase all males go through where being too dependent on your mother’s reassurances doesn’t work positively anymore. I say, allow it. It will help them complete the Loop and hopefully in time, make Full Circle back into your arms once more.

Nice post.

-Ez of Barako Brew

Ez’s last blog post..If College-Themed Porn Were only Real:

ck

Thursday, 16th April 2009 at 2:10 pm

so timely. such great perspective. made me run out on the porch to grab some hugs from my daughter!

ck’s last blog post..odd jobs

The Lawyer Mom

Friday, 17th April 2009 at 9:50 am

I’ve had dreams like that, too. They’re horrible because they’re so real. I know how you feel, though Mr. M is still in the hugging stage. I hope Ez is right . . . that they do return for more hugs when they’re grown. Sniff sniff.

The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..The Great Geithner Heist

Myrna

Saturday, 18th April 2009 at 12:05 am

I miss those hugs. Mine just turned 14 and he kinda keeps his arms down and sort of stiff when I hug him. But, the other day I reached across and smoothed his hair and he rested his cheek on my hand and left it there for minutes. sigh. It MADE my day. I’m desperate aren’t I?

Myrna’s last blog post..How Does the Law Deal with Sexting?

Angella Lister

Monday, 20th April 2009 at 7:52 am

Wonderful post. Yes, we all know those mother nightmares. Actually, it’s a relief to hear you refer to them. I always think something is wrong with me that my mind can always work out the extreme worst case scenario when it comes to letting my kids out of my sight, which clearly I have to do often since they’re 17 and 15. How quickly they have grown. Fortunately, my girl still gives those big enfolding hugs that make the world seem right. My son is less of a hugger but he will offer his head to be rubbed (by me, by his father, by his grandmothers) when we’re watching tv. I take what’s offered gratefully.

Glad to find your blog! I’m linking you on my blogroll. 37paddington.blogspot.com

Angella Lister’s last blog post..Rainbow Cupcakes!

dawtch

Tuesday, 21st April 2009 at 4:57 pm

My oldest boy is 23 (!) and seems to have no problem hugging me – though it is usually that arm-thrown-around-the-shoulders-and squeeze kinda hugs My little one is six, and is currently wavering. He’s always been a hugger – hugs anyone & everyone including Mille & Vince, with whom we had a 30 minute conversation with in the frozen food section of Walmart & never saw again…some days I get the big old best hug evers, other days I get an arm thrown out, which kinda touches the waist area as he is running by. No, he doesn’t walk. Ever. For any reason.
Sorry, the dreams don’t go away, at least they haven’t for me…
bb
dawtch

dawtch’s last blog post..Hmmmmmm

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