Someone Get Me a Scorecard!

dinnertableshtYou can please some of the people some of the time, except at the dinner table.

One child won’t eat cured pork products. One won’t eat chicken, unless it’s fried. One doesn’t like the texture of fish. One likes carrots, but not peas. One likes peas, but not broccoli. One will eat broccoli, but only the very tip-tops of the florets.

And just when you think you have it all figured out, it all CHANGES. Now THIS one is allergic to chicken, and THAT one won’t eat broccoli.

It makes you want to go back to the halcyon days when you could even get them to eat a jar of strained peas. But once they learn how to talk, they learn that magic word, “NO.” And then you’re screwed.

How do kids get these weird likes/dislikes? Have we subconsciously given them subliminal negative reinforcement? Or are they ingrained, destined to appear at a specific moment, like a nitrogen bomb on a timer?

For a long time, I researched this phenomenon. I used my own children as guinea pigs, because they couldn’t complain. (Actually, they can complain. I’m just really good at ignoring.)

I have the answer. And I will impart it to you, forthwith.

The children get together, at night, while we’re asleep. They dream up the craziest possible food aversions—like baked chicken but not fried chicken, or raw carrots, but not cooked carrots. And potatoes, UNLESS they’re fried.

And THEN, they meet again every few months and EXCHANGE CARDS, just for fun.

Is there a solution to dinner roulette?

One famous childcare expert once said that picky eaters should just be fed what they want. Eventually, they’ll get tired of it and move on to more eclectic tastes.

That doesn’t work. My kids would happily eat pizza and mac and cheese for the rest of their lives.

I have a better solution. Don’t play.

Roulette is a loser’s game. The odds are with the house (and in this case, the house is they guy shuffling the deck. Or rolling the ball).

Serve dinner. If they don’t eat, THEY WON’T DIE.

“But I’m STARVING to death!”

My favorite answer: “Can I watch? I’ve never seen anyone starve to death. Sounds like an interesting case study. I’ll pop some popcorn (not for you, of course, because you didn’t eat dinner), and we’ll watch the show.”

What do YOU do about dinner roulette?

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26 Comments

If I fix a meal (many nights it is scavenger mode, if you find it you can eat it) and one of them does not like an item… “FINE DON’T EAT IT” (all caps for a reason yes the phrase is spoken in a raised voice). Then there is always the response an hour later…I am hungry…to which I say; you know where the kitchen is.

Laura’s last blog post..A Life Lesson

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themother Replies:

Not at my house. The kitchen closes after dinner. No more food. They aren’t going to starve to death by morning. And if they do, we can all watch…

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I have one very picky eater and one who will eat anything. its no fun. the picky eater will say she is full becuase she doen’t want to eat what she is given. Not becuase she doesn’t like it but because thats nots what shes in the mood for. So I tell her fine no snacking after dinner and she says ok. But it never fails and hour after dinner she’s sneaking to the pantry looking for food. (junk food) Drives me crazy.

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themother Replies:

You could lock the cabinet doors. A friend of mine did that. Padlocks and bicycle locks. Drastic, but it gets the point across.

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My four year old put it best when she reminded me one night at dinner, “Mom, don’t you remember? One has to love it and one has to hate it!” which pretty much sums up our dinners. If one of them starts eating it, the other won’t touch it. It doesn’t matter who or what is served.

Our rule is eat what we have. That’s it. If I know one of my kids tried it & doesn’t like it, they may have a slice of bread, but I do not cook different meals for everyone. Not only does that make me crazy, it never teaches them to deal with it when something is served that you don’t care for.

It’s food. You’re lucky you have it. I listened to my Grandpa’s stories of the Depression. (3 of my great-grandma’s kids died of diphtheria, she was left w/ 4 & then my great grandpa died suddenly of a brain aneurysm in his early 40s. So there she is, single mom & the stock market crashes) He would say “If there wasn’t nothin’ to eat, you didn’t get nothin.’ Nobody had nothin’ to give.”

He lived until he was 90, so I’m not too worried about my kids. If they ever start telling me they’re starving to death, I am going to put a slide show together of people who actually are.

Liz’s last blog post..Technical Difficulties

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I follow the kitchen-closed method, like you. No late-night pantry raids, popcorn, etc. unless he ate his dinner. We may have had a night or two of temporary starvation when he refused to eat dinner. But after a few forced hunger strikes, it was smooth sailing.

It also helps a GREAT deal if the children see you eating what you expect them to eat. Unfortunately, when it comes to liver, I am a very bad role model.

The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..Nation of Suckers Sucklers

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I just make whatever and let the chips fall where they may. If I tried to please everyone I’d be in the kitchen all night. I’m not a short order cook so if you don’t like what I made, too bad, go drink a glass of milk and stop pretending to gag. They’re such fakers, all of them. Even the baby, who really has no reason to hate a food he’s never tasted before, will make retching sounds when confronted with a chunk of sweet potato. It is a conspiracy, you’re absolutely right!

mrsbear’s last blog post..Wordful Wednesday – You’re Going to Get Wet

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themother Replies:

Not only is it a conspiracy, but these kids take their cues from each other!! If big brother won’t eat it, they won’t. They won’t try it. Nope.

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I don’t play either. If they don’t eat it, I am not forcing it. I really don’t have too much of a problem though. My kids aren’t really picky eaters. If they do get hungry later, it is fruit. but only if they at least tried everything on their plate.

Corina’s last blog post..Irony of the Day

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themother Replies:

Can I trade???? Would you like to experience picky eaters???? I’ll send mine to you, you send me your fruit-eating, trying everything kids. I make a mean pizza. Will that sweeten the deal?

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I have a picky eater and it breaks my chef-husband’s heart. Although, I can’t say I blame the kid… I don’t enjoy my cooking either. But, we eat the same dinner…. no special meals. And if he pulls the ‘I’m full’ crap, I say ok, and wrap up his plate and stick it in the fridge. Later if he says he’s hungry, I pull out his cold dinner plate and give it to him. Sadly, usually he actually eats it then. It does suck, though, because he won’t eat my favorite foods, and I don’t like his favorites… so neither of us wins. Too bad hubby’s busy cooking everyone else’s dinner instead of ours! ;)

Stephany’s last blog post..Kid Friendly Aruba for your Family Vacation

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themother Replies:

I imagine this does break chefs’ hearts. I used to let it get to me… Now I just make what I want and tell them to shove it.

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I always say … “You don’t have to like it you just have to eat it.” They have to eat at least 3 bites of everything. Over time there are certain foods they have just started eating without complaining.

Bantering Blonde’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday -Sign Pointing to My House

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As you know with four there is nothing other than pizza that they will all eat without complaint. I consider it a success if two eat without complaint. If all four hate it I probably won’t make it again. (Don’t tell them that.) I find growth spurts are wonderful because they’re so hungry they’ll eat just about anything. And they do get to eat fruit later if they’re hungry. (Not big fruit eaters to begin with so any fruit they eat is a win for me.) I think a couple of them are storing up to grow right now so dinner time has been much more pleasurable.

heidi’s last blog post..Chocolate and Steel

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We just cook what we cook and the kids have to eat it (or not). It works pretty well. What we try to do is at least have ONE item that people like. For example, corn. Everyone in the family likes corn so when I know I’m fixing something that people might fuss over I always fix corn so there’s at least one thing to eat. It’s worked so far.

The only other exception I make is when we eat some of the more eclectic ethnic foods we like to eat. We’ve got a 2 year old who doesn’t have as much “global experience” as everyone else so when we have sushi or indian food, I’ve saved aside some leftovers from the night before (chicken and stuffing or ham and potatoes) and he’ll eat that as his fallback.

We’ve introduced several ethnic foods to him and eventually he grows to like them. You just have to keep trying. I never thought I’d see a two year old eating sushi, honestly. It’s amusing.

Wendy’s last blog post..Brussels Sprouts Encounter

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themother Replies:

I had a two year old who ate salsa. Loved it. Grew up to be my most eclectic eater.

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I’m the oldest of 8 kids, so this was definitely an issue in our house. More specifically for #5. She would only eat grilled cheese. That’s it. If she even took a BITE of something else, she would gag. The doctor told my mom that she was healthy and there wasn’t much she could do besides force the food down her throat,, so my sister had grilled cheese sandwiches two meals a day for 10 years.

Jennifer’s last blog post..Bullet points- things on thy mind.

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themother Replies:

I have one gagger. It was hysterical. Honestly. I still have those mental images.

Does your sister eat anything else now?? PLEASE, give me hope!!

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We’re starting to implement the same “don’t play the game” rules. Pizza and mac-n-cheese have sold out their show and it’s just not welcome any more.

So if they don’t like what we make? there’s always sandwiches and fruit as a backup. Or they don’t eat.

whall’s last blog post..Stuff you don’t want to MISC, #70

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Ahhh..this is soooo true. I swear I’d prefer to crash my car into a pole first before cooking dinner. Unfortunately though I do cook every night and it is exactly the same way…Ugghhhh

dani’s last blog post..Success !!!! and an Interview ….

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themother Replies:

Oh, Dani, PLEASE don’t crash your car instead of cooking dinner. Just think of how much mess you’d have to clean up. The shattered glass, the twisted metal.

By contrast, the dinner fiasco doesn’t seem quite so bad.

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my lot are just the same! i got my eldest who wont eat vegetables and my youngest who wont eat cheese! they are funny little souls!

Tina’s last blog post..PLAYING CHEF

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I have three boys, all very big now and my philosophy has always been the same. I cook, you eat. You have to taste everything on your plate and if you don’t like it, think about why that is. The texture, the saltiness, the sweetness — whatever. We eat very, very little processed food, so there’s no escape if somebody’s stomach is grumbling after dinner. They could have more of what they did like, so rarely was anyone hungry. It worked. And yes — one of them has horrendous food allergies. None of this makes me a saint, but it does count me as somebody who didn’t get her grey hairs over dinner. Now, when you want to talk about slovenly bedrooms, I’ll line up first for being a complete dork in that area. Not for lack of trying, however.

kellypea’s last blog post..Pasta with Chunky Fresh Tomato Sauce and Basil Oil

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themother Replies:

Oh, I think I can top anyone in the slovenly rooms department. I just haven’t gotten to that post yet!

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My kids know they take their life in their hands when they ask that famous question, “what’s for dinner”? Someone always is unhappy, I’ve accepted that by now, but I sure as hell don’t want to have hear about it.
Now that I’m older and fuddled, when someone says , “you know I don’t like/eat that”, I just look at them with a blank expression and say, “oh, I forgot”.
They are old enough to fend for themselves now, so their life is only in jeopardy if they don’t leave clean up after themselves.

the Mayor’s last blog post..Pick Up Line

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Two things shaped how I handle my kids and food. 1) I actually had to beg for food at times during my childhood and often went without – I survived. 2) A friend of mine once told me that you only need 2 tablespoons of food a day to sustain without starving to death for quite some time. Whether or not this is true, I like it so I kept it.

“You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit” has been my motto since my days as a camp counselor and it has worked well with my children. Any comments or fits can be taken to their room. I have no problems with them missing a meal or two. Husband disagrees, but he isn’t cooking, is he?

Oh and I employ this same philosophy with any kids that are visiting. I don’t care if they don’t eat, they will go home eventually. I had a kid over that I had been told only ate white foods. WHITE FOODS. Give me a break. No, I was not going to accommodate this. She sat there and watched us eat lunch and then went home presumably to chow down on marshmallows and wonder bread.

AmyAnne’s last blog post..Heels

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