The “Now, Johnny” Syndrome

Monday, March 30, 2009
Behavior Children Discipline Parenting

shatteredglassshtThe “Now, Johnny” Syndrome is affectionately named for an eight-year old who picked a fight with a plate-glass window while I was in medical school.

He was okay. He only had minor, surface lacerations. Which is how I got stuck with Johnny. If he had been more badly injured, he would have gone upstairs to surgery, where they would have sedated him FIRST THING. But, since my surgery resident was really, really busy sewing up a guy who got knifed in a fight, and then the guy who knifed the first guy, and then the guy who shot the second guy, Johnny was mine.

Being lowly medical students, we weren’t allowed to sedate Johnny. So we stitched him up using the old standby method, known as “Lidocaine and Duct Tape.” The problem was that we had gone through every roll of duct tape in house, and Johnny was still convinced that we were NOT going to stick that needle in his face. Nope. Unh-unh.

I had two orderlies trying to hold Johnny down, while Johnny explained to me in very colorful language that this wasn’t going to happen. (I was raised by an ER nurse. I have a great vocabulary. Johnny knew words I didn’t know. He was eight. I had NO IDEA there were so many inventive invectives for “Lady Almost Doctor, you are not going to stick that needle in me!”)

All the while, his hand-wringing mother sat at the foot of the bed and said (unhelpfully), “Now, Johnny…”

This is the “Now, Johnny” Syndrome. Some people call it the Dishrag Parent Syndrome.

You see it everywhere–

The three year old walking around with a pacifier.

How hard is it to take a binky away from a toddler? It should be like taking candy from a baby. Maybe louder, but not hard. Pacifiers ruin tooth and jaw development, and I’m convinced they lead to life-long oral fixations (cigarette, anyone?) Yet parents don’t want to confront their little darlings.

The nine year old who whines until his mom just gives him what he wants.

‘Cause it’s so much easier to drive a kid across town during rush hour to play video games at a friend’s house than it is to say NO.

The teenager who tells his mom to go to hell IN PUBLIC.

My boys, despite knowing full well that I am expected there a few decades earlier than they, would NEVER do something so disrespectful in public. Or in private. EVER. I would like to think that it’s because they have a deep and abiding respect for me. But it’s more likely that they are very well aware that, should they EVER speak to me that way, my answer would probably include, “YOU FIRST,” and the means by which to get them there.

I often wonder what happened to Johnny. In the short term, he walked out of the ER, with about forty well placed stitches, that took me the better part of TWO HOURS.

In the long term? If he were mine, at least his butt would be a lot warmer by now.

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10 Comments

ck

Monday, 30th March 2009 at 12:57 pm
 

The only thing that makes me more uncomfortable than watching a child get his/her way after belittling their parent in public, is when the parent turns to me feels the need to explain why he/she gave in.

When I didn’t ask and I don’t know them and I wasn’t even looking.

That is THE WORST.

ck’s last blog post..burningQs: a rose by any other name would suck

Deanna

Monday, 30th March 2009 at 4:29 pm
 

Recently I overheard…(OK, eavesdropped!) a conversation at a table nearby during dinner out with my husband. The about-15 year old son was trying to think of a way to earn money. His father mentioned that “If he walked Chloe…” blah blah gross yuck – I was assuming Chloe was a dog, and not his sister. This little brat proceeded to very cockily tell his father “Nope! Not gonna do it!” in a very disrespectful manner.
First, YOU WILL walk the dog when I say so, and B, you won’t get paid, unless you’d like to consider the fact that you put your feet under my table for dinner every evening to be your PAYMENT!”
Had I not been on a date with my husband (not to mention the small fact that I think this kid’s father is a cop), I might have stopped by the table upon departure and offered my Nanny services to this family. Grrrr!

Deanna’s last blog post..Attitude Tuneup Performed By Grandy

The Dental Maven

Monday, 30th March 2009 at 5:51 pm
 

Just like “charity begins at home” so does insolence. Much of this bad behavior is developed and tolerated at home.

The Dental Maven’s last blog post..It’s The New Descriptor!

The Constant Complainer

Monday, 30th March 2009 at 8:50 pm
 

First time visitor.

Saw your link on Dani’s blog and decided to check it out.

Interesting post. I’m sure most mothers can related.

Wendy

Tuesday, 31st March 2009 at 12:28 pm
 

It’s like that mom in Barnes & Noble who counted to three about 1600 times, while her 4-year-old very cheerfully IGNORED HER COMPLETELY and cleared half the shelves in one whole section.

I dunno. I think you are more likely to be driven to homicidal rage by a toddler trying to be a nice parent than just smacking that heinie when it desperately needs it.

The part that gets me, too – is when I see kids much older than mine acting like lunatics in public and mom looks like she is at the end of her rope. Mine are 8 and 5, and we only very occasionally have to stop and have a conversation about stopping a behavior.

I think it’s because we spanked (appropriately & without anger) when they were too little to reason with. Now that they’re older, they don’t exactly know why, but they feel strongly that obeying mom and dad is GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH. So usually they do.

Wendy’s last blog post..It Is Not Actually Possible to Die of Embarrassment No Matter How Badly You May Want To

Maria@Conversations with Moms

Tuesday, 31st March 2009 at 1:31 pm
 

I get so irritated when I hear kids disrespect their parents. But in almost all cases, the parents don’t react to the disrespect.

You are a strong person to have to have dealt with a screaming and cut 8 yr old for 2 hours. I respect your profession so much.

Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..Honest Scrap Award

AmyAnne

Tuesday, 31st March 2009 at 3:24 pm
 

I had trouble commenting from my trusty iPhone yesterday….

I agree with Maria – I respect that you are willing to do your profession. I won’t. I might make it through the classes, but when it came to dealing with imbeciles…I’d be arrested. I could be a M.E. Maybe not – I’m sure the dead ones drag their live families in after them.

Anyway, as I mentioned on twitter, I hate it when the dishrag parent dismisses MY reprimand to MY child IN FRONT OF SAID CHILD. Argh. NO, it is NOT okay for my child to walk up and take crackers from you, stranger spineless parent. Please shut up. Now.

AmyAnne’s last blog post..My First Baby

themother Replies:
April 1st, 2009 at 9:39 pm

Absolutely. I generally don’t put up with it.

I WAS once reprimanded for being mean to my kid, by a lady in a dressing room. The following conversation was NOT pretty. And I wasn’t even being mean! Stretch and I were being silly. She thought I was demeaning him.

Which just goes to show, you should STAY OUT of family conversations. They don’t concern you. EVER.

The Lawyer Mom

Wednesday, 1st April 2009 at 3:18 pm
 

AmyAnne nailed it! People telling my kid to disregard my orders. It doesn’t happen often, but often enough.

As for pacifiers, wow. I never knew they caused tooth development problems. Yikes.

The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..No Cable for Old Ladies