The Rules Don’t Apply to Her!
These are the women who think that signs, warnings, and rules of the road are guidelines. Suggestions, really.
We’ve all met them. We’ve all fumed about them.
The women who zoom past the entire carpool line and let their kids out in the “No loading/unloading” zone. ‘Cause that just applies to cargo, right? Not kids? Not THEIR kids.
The women who hold up an entire lane on a small street to chat with each other through the windows of their Suburbans. ‘Cause their little gossip fest is SO much more important than you getting your toddler with the broken leg and the seizure disorder to the hospital.
The women who pull straight through stop signs, or barely stop and don’t give you your turn. ‘Cause where THEY need to go is SO much more important than where you are headed.
The women who simply leave their enormous cars in no-parking zones. ‘Cause fire trucks are overrated, anyway.
And my personal favorite: The women who pull out of my son’s high school going the wrong way on a one-way street, ’cause it’s just SO much more convenient than going right and making a uey. And if they hit a teenage driver head-on, well, that’s just a freak accident.
I’ve had it. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!
My kids have those little nerf dart gun toys. (Yes, I stole all the darts, years ago. But I swear, it was justified.)
I’m going to buy new darts, with suction cups. I’m going to put little flags on the ends of each one that say, “THE RULES DON”T APPLY TO ME!”
And I’m going to shoot them at the car of the next bitch who thinks she can park in the no-parking zone, or let out her entire clown vehicle full of forty kids with backpacks and school projects on the street, right in front of the NO LOADING sign.
Then, I’m going to call the local police station and tell them to be on the lookout for cars with “THE RULES DON’T APPLY TO ME!” darts.
I’m thinking three ought to be the legal limit.
You get three, you get pulled over. Just ’cause.
“Excuse me, ma’am, but I couldn’t help noticing that you have three “THE RULES DON’T APPLY TO ME” darts on your rear bumper. Would you mind telling me how you acquired those?”
She can try to explain how her schedule is so much more important than all of ours.
And then he can give her a ticket.
Is everyone with me? Anyone else willing to get their old nerf dart guns out of the closet?
(To segue: the winner of this week’s Momism award is: Gliajenn, for, “This isn’t a democracy; it’s a benevolent dictatorship.” If you haven’t left me any momisms, I’ll get out my nerf gun.)
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49 Comments
Helene
Wednesday, 25th February 2009 at 4:29 pm
This is classic….hysterical!!! I know plenty of moms who do stuff like that! I love the idea of tagging their cars with little nerf darts…LOVE IT!!!
Helene’s last blog post..Don’t mess with Mama on surgery day!
[Reply]
mrsbear
Wednesday, 25th February 2009 at 8:43 pm
WTH? How about mom’s that don’t obey school speed zones? I see that one around here quite a bit. Also, moms that apply mascara while driving through a school speed zone, obviously steering with their knees since it takes both hands to unscrew the little brush and apply while staring in their vanity mirrors instead of the road. I’ll shoot darts at them, I also may pelt them with rocks but sssshh…don’t tell anyone.
mrsbear’s last blog post..Bla Bla and the Blahs – Random Tuesday Thoughts
[Reply]
themother Replies:
February 25th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
The mascara thing reminds me of a forensics lecture we had in my residency. They knew how the decapitated woman ran into the truck when they realized that she only had mascara on one eye. OUCH!
[Reply]
mrsbear
Wednesday, 25th February 2009 at 8:44 pm
Oh and thanks for coming by and commenting tonight. You’re right, any do-it-yourself kit that involves a child = work for mom.
mrsbear’s last blog post..Bla Bla and the Blahs – Random Tuesday Thoughts
[Reply]
Vjfrankel
Thursday, 26th February 2009 at 8:22 pm
Exceptions for people who read and text while driving I assume. (Otherwise I would never be able to read anything).
[Reply]
themother Replies:
February 26th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Did you see the comment on the decapitated woman? Hello?
[Reply]
Momisodes
Friday, 27th February 2009 at 11:27 am
I’ll definitely join you, just and me some of that flagged ammo.
I have great aim
Momisodes’s last blog post..Spooning
[Reply]
AmyAnne
Friday, 27th February 2009 at 3:35 pm
I’ve got the guns…just need your ammo.
AmyAnne’s last blog post..Oh Shit
[Reply]
themother Replies:
February 27th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
What? Do I have to do EVERYTHING? You can’t make your own nerf dart flags?
[Reply]
The Lawyer Mom
Friday, 27th February 2009 at 5:02 pm
I completely share your frustration.
For years I have been wishing I could come up with a pop-up billboard for the roof of my car. This billboard would allow for constantly changing the message. “Stop tailgating me right now or I will kill you” would pop up instantly. Then, at the four-way stop signs, those hotbeds of indecision , I could change it to say “Would you please just effing go?”
But handicap parking space violaters? Should be vaporized.
The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..Anticlimactia
[Reply]
Suburban Turmoil
Saturday, 28th February 2009 at 7:55 am
Hilarious! But I think those moms with three darts should be taken straight to the pokey.
[Reply]
Quadmama
Monday, 2nd March 2009 at 11:21 am
Oh, I feel like you read my mind. I just had a rant about this same thing last week. And let’s be fair here… it’s not just the moms who are doing this. This morning I had two dads blow by me in the preschool drop off lane. I guess since I’m a stay-at-home mom I have nothing better to do than sit there and wait for everyone else to drop off their own kids!
[Reply]
themother Replies:
March 2nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Oh, yes. Working dads are some of the worst perpetrators. You’re right–they’re busy, busy, busy. And we sit at home and eat bon bons all day.
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