Mothers of Perfect Children (MoPCs)
You will run into her, usually at a school event that you should have skipped (see Command Performances). You would never have talked to her if you ran into her in any other social setting, but you are now bound together by the proximity of sitting next to each other in 6 inch wide plastic chairs, and the fellowship of having children the same age in the same class.
You know the type. At 3 o’clock in the afternoon, she has a perfect hairdo and smudgeless makeup. She baked delectable cookies for the event, and delivered them earlier in the morning, so that the teachers could eat a few at the morning conference. She sits with her back perfectly straight and beams at her young progeny from across the room. And then she frowns at yours, who is now covered in chocolate from trying to nibble out all the chips from her flawless cookies without getting a single piece of dough.
Usually she will start the conversation, generally by nodding toward your child and commenting on the poor parenting that caused him to be so badly behaved. If she happens to know which one is yours, she will pick a different child, but the comment will be the same. Then she will tell you all about what makes her child so much more special than the others.
Mothers of Perfect Children (MoPCs) are highly annoying. If you let them get to you, you’ll be going home and hitting the scotch. But before you reach for the shotglass, remember: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT PARENT!
Your first line of defense: Ask her how many children she has. I have met very few MoPCs who had more than one. Multiparas generally look like the rest of us. If she has more than one, ascertain the age gap—she may be on a menopause baby after having royally screwed up her first.
If, indeed, she has only one, you don’t really have to do anything. You can rest confident in your parental skills, knowing that when she has her fourth, she isn’t going to be quite so judgmental. If, however, you feel that you must defend yourself, your best bet is to respond with:
“Yes, I know Billy can be a handful at times, but it is really just because of his genius level IQ. He is so inquisitive that I just can’t keep him from exploring. I wouldn’t want to anyway; the scientists who are working with him say that the more things he absorbs as a child, the more resourcefully he will be able to use that intellect in the future. Children learn a lot, you know, from their environment. What looks like play to us is really…” The longer you can keep this up, the more you will shame her into realizing that maybe her kid isn’t so perfect after all.
You can use the same strategy on an MoPC who has more than one child, but you won’t feel quite so good about it. After all, now she is in direct competition with you. How can she keep all those kids under such tight rein and not be completely frazzled?
The answer: there is always a skeleton in the closet of any MoPC with more than one child. Maybe she drinks. Maybe her husband is a raving lunatic who goes off the deep end whenever the kids get the least bit out of control. Maybe she slips the kids Valium in their orange juice.
It can be lots of fun trying to figure out what makes someone an MoPC. Fantasize. Enjoy. Next time you run into her, just dredge up your wonderful fantasy and laugh.
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Related posts:
- Mothers of Older Children
- The Grouch Knows How to Use a Vacuum?
- The Six O’Clock Parent (Mother’s Day Special Rehash)
- Mommenfreude
- Command Performances!
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13 Comments
Nell @ Casual Friday Everyday
Monday, 2nd February 2009 at 1:16 pm
How true/funny. I’m certainly not one of those Moms with those kids.
Nell
Nell @ Casual Friday Everyday’s last blog post..She’s Fat
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Memoirgirl
Monday, 2nd February 2009 at 3:15 pm
I get you about the perfect parent stuff. However, I caution your perspective that Mothers of One Child are the problem. I am a Mother of an Only, and we get our fair share of alienation. When I was having difficulty with my daughter, I heard often, “Well, you only have one! Think about how hard it would be if you had more, like me!” Not the kind of support i was looking for. I believe I am plenty sensitive of those with more than one child and I appreciate people who are sensitive that even one child is challenging.
I think that this is a personal attitude and not a function of the number of kids one has. Perfect Mothers are trying to be perfect everywhere in their lives. Too bad for the kids who will never live up to their standards.
Last thing is that I am a perfectionist at heart, although I try to temper it because it is a huge pain in the ass. However, I like to put my all into projects and sometimes that is my child’s birthday party or something like that. I have a friend who made comments about this desire to do things well, comparing that to the Perfect Mommy syndrome. i think we are sometimes too quick to label others without understanding their motivation. I don’t care if someone has a bday party that is just pizza and playing in a toy room for 1.5 hrs. If my kid has fun, excellent.
Guess the main difference is that I do what I want without expecting others to do like me. A Perfect Mommy thinks she has the only right answer.
Phew! Didn’t know I had all that in there!
Memoirgirl’s last blog post..Apparently, A Soul is Worth One House.
[Reply]
themother Replies:
February 2nd, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Never meant to imply that ALL mothers of onlies are MOPCs. Most mothers of onlies are like the rest of us. But there are some…
[Reply]
Jeanie Replies:
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Memoirgirl, I hate to say this but here goes. 'themother' never said the MOPC had a perfect child, just that the MOPC thought she did. You fit into the MOPC catagory to some extent by stating you are a perfectionist and put on the perfect bday party. Don't you think to some extent we all behave like the MOPC at some time in our mothering. I can't tell you how many times I have bragged about my electrical engineer son or my culinary graduate son. I Believe 'themother' was saying it all in good fun and not implying it to be a hard fast rule. We all have our skeletons in the closet, just some try to appear to have only roses in their closet.
Momoirgirl, you seem to have real passion for mothering and doesn't matter how you do it, it is the fact that you are putting your all into it. I like the fact you can go with the flow.
[Reply]
liza
Wednesday, 4th February 2009 at 6:21 am
lol, i kept thinking about my MoPC neighbor while reading this post.
liza’s last blog post..Easy Shopping at Kenmar’s
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The Lawyer Mom
Wednesday, 4th February 2009 at 10:51 am
Or, you could say, to an especially gloating MOPC, “Have you read the Stepford Wives? You remind me of one of the characters. Hmm, which one was it now, I can’t remember . . .”
But I think your IQ diatribe is perfect.
The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..The Silver Service
[Reply]
themother Replies:
February 4th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
90% + of the MoPCs I know don’t remember the Stepford Wives. MoPCs, as a rule, tend to be younger.
[Reply]
AmyAnne
Thursday, 5th February 2009 at 11:13 pm
Except for here where apparently all the women who forgot they wanted to have kids and then remembered when their clock started ticking so loud they couldn’t hear anything else have come to live and raise their perfect children. And try to dress like Posh Spice. At 50.
Last year I almost threw up when I went to a tea party at my kid’s 3rd grade class only to find it full of botox, severe bobs, big rhinestone belt buckles and of course – perfect fucking children.
Except mine because I am the only one rooting for a mediocre, average kid who can enjoy her life without any pressure that those perfect children must have. Ha.
AmyAnne’s last blog post..On Marriage and Motherhood
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Liz
Wednesday, 18th February 2009 at 8:51 pm
ha ha ha …. (phew!) MOPCs are everywhere! And yes they tend to have one, sometimes two, but I guarantee you those women aren’t having s-e-x in any way shape or form.
I have a cousin who follows her little 1 1/2 year old around like a HAWK. He has to eat a certain amount of food, he must put every toy back immediately after he is done in order to move onto the next one, he can only eat goldfish crackers ONE at a time, and he has a scheduled to the minute day – only so much time in the toy room – maybe 1/2 hour of TV if any at all….
Once my girls were playing in her parents yard & he was pressed against the window, watching longingly. When his uncle asked if he could take him outside, she said “No – there are mosquitoes out there.” So this sad little bubble boy watched as my kids ran amok in the yard, squealing with delight. Amazingly, they did not contract malaria.
Yes he is a perfect child.
And he will grow into a perfectly neurotic adult.
Poor thing.
Liz’s last blog post..Pee Pee Potty
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Laura
Friday, 27th February 2009 at 7:36 am
So funny and very true!
Laura’s last blog post..
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wendy
Tuesday, 31st March 2009 at 5:36 am
you just don’t know how you made me feel good.
i dread my vacation in my parents-in-law’s place where i have to meet my sis-in-law and bro-in-law whose children should be well-behaved (be quite and be still) and should have flawless skin (no running around). i had to take in comments like “my children are not as active as your son” in a not-so-positive tone. i always had to vent my anger to my husband after. it’s his perfect family, after all:-)
wendy’s last blog post..Watching Television
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Amanda
Sunday, 2nd August 2009 at 3:22 pm
at last…someone that understands the MoPC's. awesome. recently i moved back home from a 'well to do' ISD. i was totally an outcast there! for i am loud, well spoken, sarcastic, and usually foul mouthed to boot. my almost 12 yr old (Big K) is an Aspie. and i got tired of all the comments, why is your child not playing with anyone, or the even better ones when they didnt realize she was mine…ohhh that poor lonely child over there tinkering. blah blah. eventually shirts are made, as i love to make sure my point gets across…and my daughter actually gets some of my sarcasm. fromt: i have autism back: you have cranial rectal inversion. lol needless to say we cant wear that one to school anymore! and i have had to use the IQ rant before. that one is always a great expression getter from the MoPC.
[Reply]
Mrs.Mayhem
Friday, 30th April 2010 at 12:56 am
Perfect mothers who think they have perfect children drive me crazy!
My SIL is a MoPC, and my MIL is always certain to point out how flawed my children are compared to hers. My MIL actually says, "Let's compare."
NO. Let's NOT compare.
I have a long, bitter (barely civil) history with these people regarding nasty comments against deaf children… specifically comments against my son when he was one.
But, have you run into any MoPC whose child(ren) is(are) over the age of 8? Then they continue with the "perfect mother" bit, but the "perfect child" portion seems to fall by the wayside.
[Reply]
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